ANACONDA (2025)

In the comedy Be Kind: Rewind, Jack Black and his sidekick make homemade movies to replace real ones, which is exactly what happens here, only in this case, the two comic actors are usually the comic leads: so each one is each other's equal sidekick, basically... or something...

While Jack does his usual thing, including singing beautifully as if he's making fun of beautiful singing because it's a surprise he sings so beautifully in the first place, Paul Rudd is basically playing Paul Rudd, only he looks older than usual, painted with a strange spray tan... perhaps intentional... And when they were kids they made Super 8 horror movies (trope city), and for nostalgia they go to the Amazon to film a remake of the cult classic Anaconda since Rudd, as a loser D-rate extra-actor, acquires the rights to the 1990's film, which makes no sense... What results is a semi-meta slog where one minute the group (including two ladies, of course, including young and hot Daniela Melchior) are trying to stay out of actual trouble (the usual THREE AMIGOS "this is real" device that most people credit to TROPIC THUNDER), and the next they're acting in their movie-within-a-movie that, who knows, might have turned out more interesting had the actual movie been their own fake movie... As in, it could have been worse, more fun to bag on, which this otherwise mediocre sendup of a sendup needs to be... To be anything at all, that is, if so-bad-it's-good movies like Anaconda are what they were really after anti-celebrating. Or something.

SPIDER-NOIR (2026)

For the last decade, Nicolas Cage has been in a never-ending cycle of "almost comeback" status: Every single movie that comes out are said to be game-changing roles... Here's another; following the original voice-over for the surprise Spiderverse hit that featured Spider-Noir as a side-character, now he's the Live-Action focal-point: A full-blown attempt to combine the old 1940's gumshoe device into modern times: and frankly, it doesn't always work... While always a cool cat on screen, Cage is too old now, and his voice, his narration needed for the typical pulpy cadence, is faltering and not edgy like it should be... Had this been 2010 Cage, it might work...

The special effects, like a villain with a face lighting on fire, is not only too CGI, but takes away from what's attempting a more hands-on/old-school approach... Within such an otherwise antique forum, the expensive special effects simply stand out too much... And the overall timing is mostly off (and fans of Spider-Man in general would not last 10 minutes watching those classic movies, or anything made before the 1990's, and they probably think that Christopher Nolan invented Noir): Cage's Girl Friday secretary over-acts and seems part of a sit-com; the femme-fatales are too breathy and hissy and cornball... And the several culprits (like the usual crooked politician) are too modernized to seem like the Golden Age of Hollywood story-telling that Spider-Noir sometimes tries too hard to replicate, while seeming awkwardly burdened from bringing something old to something new... Overall, despite the nice look and some neat thrills, the time period that should enhance the series is ultimately more of a story-structure bulwark. Basically, Spider-Noir worked best as the best character in an ensemble than when given his own picture. Episode 1 Rating: **