THE LOCUST EATERS (BRITISH TELEVISION)

One of those shows that doesn't work the way it's supposed to, but is still pretty good in a laidback, kind of neo noirish, hangout fashion... The overall plot is that Wanda Ventham is a sleeper agent married to born loser Ian Hendry, which is, as revealed in the pilot episode, an arranged marriage by her agency so that... well... that's the problem: What should be Wanda's series has almost nothing to do with her, or her former/present occupation... Meanwhile Ian Hendry, a fantastic character actor perhaps best remembered as Michael Caine's arch rival in GET CARTER, is treated here like's... Michael Caine, ironically.. with every woman throwing themselves at him when he's a balding midlife crisis...

What THE LOTUS EATERS really is is a kind of proto version of THE LOVE BOAT combined with FANTASY ISLAND... the first because each episode has visitors in which the bar-owning couple try helping out; the latter since it's filmed in the fantastical land of Greece... A nice balmy location providing a CASABLANCA vibe, had Rick and Isla stayed together only to be tempted away by every and any half decent arrival... For Wanda it's the same British spy who provided her all the expository dialogue for the audience to know her espionage alter ego (loaded with B&W flashbacks seeming out of a kitchen sink thriller)... their relationship is liken to a daytime soap... while his May/September trysts are more like nighttime male fantasy melodramas... The nicest pleasure is seeing gorgeous future ANGELS nurse Karan David (pictured) as a young precious barmaid... the best to look at despite revolving guest beauties like Anouska Hempel and Suzan Farmer... But isn't that what any British TV series is about... the birds? Years: 1972-1973 Rating: ***1/2

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES (1991)

In one scene thirty-minutes into John Hughes's CAREER OPPORTUNITIES, made during his career midlife crisis between teenage and adult comedies, gorgeous brunette dream girl Jennifer Connelly, standing in the central Target store location late at night, hours after closing, asks fast-talking star Frank Whalley: "What are you doing here?" Wherein he answers, "I work here." 

Probably the most coherently logical reply by a character so zany and over-confident, you can see how great Matthew Broderick was in Hughes's FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF just for not having to try so hard to be so likable... Whalley plays the rambling village idiot in a small town (Hughes's class envy spouted throughout), looked down upon by adults and "up upon" by three children who have no purpose but following Whalley around like puppy dogs, and it's impossible to understand what has them so captivated... The audience sure isn't, and wasn't: this was one of John's biggest bombs, and Whalley only played third or fourth bananas afterwards... However, there IS a purpose, a kind of exploitation element for CAREER, and it's twofold: the first being the mere casting of Connelly, who was truly gorgeous enough to put into a movie for being truly gorgeous enough to be IN that movie, especially the trailers (to get young men into the theaters)... but having no real plot-line doesn't help matters... Also, other than being NOT ONLY an endorsement for something that was pretty new at the time, the superstore experience... but it's a worthwhile location and somewhat of a dream job, working at a Target store, late at night and all alone, with literally everything at your fingertips... But there needed to be a better character besides "the town liar" to base a comedy romp on, beyond a stunning girl and final act keystone-criminal break-in trope that would have fared a lot more successfully in... well... HOME ALONE ring a bell? For John Hughes, who wrote and didn't direct either, this was an OPPORTUNITY for a big endorsement and to attempt making his FERRIS persona grown up... but that guy was a lot cooler, smarter, more mature and far more entertaining than this guy... Basically, watching Matthew Broderick wander around alone in a tiny dimestore would have beaten this turkey. Rating: **

ANACONDA (2025)

In the comedy Be Kind: Rewind, Jack Black and his sidekick make homemade movies to replace real ones, which is exactly what happens here, only in this case, the two comic actors are usually the comic leads: so each one is each other's equal sidekick, basically... or something...

While Jack does his usual thing, including singing beautifully as if he's making fun of beautiful singing because it's a surprise he sings so beautifully in the first place, Paul Rudd is basically playing Paul Rudd, only he looks older than usual, painted with a strange spray tan... perhaps intentional... And when they were kids they made Super 8 horror movies (trope city), and for nostalgia they go to the Amazon to film a remake of the cult classic Anaconda since Rudd, as a loser D-rate extra-actor, acquires the rights to the 1990's film, which makes no sense... What results is a semi-meta slog where one minute the group (including two ladies, of course, including young and hot Daniela Melchior) are trying to stay out of actual trouble (the usual THREE AMIGOS "this is real" device that most people credit to TROPIC THUNDER), and the next they're acting in their movie-within-a-movie that, who knows, might have turned out more interesting had the actual movie been their own fake movie... As in, it could have been worse, more fun to bag on, which this otherwise mediocre sendup of a sendup needs to be... To be anything at all, that is, if so-bad-it's-good movies like Anaconda are what they were really after anti-celebrating. Or something.

SPIDER-NOIR (2026)

For the last decade, Nicolas Cage has been in a never-ending cycle of "almost comeback" status: Every single movie that comes out are said to be game-changing roles... Here's another; following the original voice-over for the surprise Spiderverse hit that featured Spider-Noir as a side-character, now he's the Live-Action focal-point: A full-blown attempt to combine the old 1940's gumshoe device into modern times: and frankly, it doesn't always work... While always a cool cat on screen, Cage is too old now, and his voice, his narration needed for the typical pulpy cadence, is faltering and not edgy like it should be... Had this been 2010 Cage, it might work...

The special effects, like a villain with a face lighting on fire, is not only too CGI, but takes away from what's attempting a more hands-on/old-school approach... Within such an otherwise antique forum, the expensive special effects simply stand out too much... And the overall timing is mostly off (and fans of Spider-Man in general would not last 10 minutes watching those classic movies, or anything made before the 1990's, and they probably think that Christopher Nolan invented Noir): Cage's Girl Friday secretary over-acts and seems part of a sit-com; the femme-fatales are too breathy and hissy and cornball... And the several culprits (like the usual crooked politician) are too modernized to seem like the Golden Age of Hollywood story-telling that Spider-Noir sometimes tries too hard to replicate, while seeming awkwardly burdened from bringing something old to something new... Overall, despite the nice look and some neat thrills, the time period that should enhance the series is ultimately more of a story-structure bulwark. Basically, Spider-Noir worked best as the best character in an ensemble than when given his own picture. Episode 1 Rating: **

RISE OF THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS: OUR BROTHER, HILLEL

Hillel Slovak and Cliff Martinez in TOUGH GUYS Documentary Date 2916 Rating: ****

At the end of THE RISE OF THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS: OUR BROTHER, HILLEL, both lead singer Anthony Keidis and bassist Flea say that people won't forget original lead guitarist and co-founder Hillel Slovak... 

Which would actually be impossible, because no matter what era of the band you listen to, his colorful punk/funk strumming fervor sustained with initial replacement Jack Sherman and eventual semi-permanent replacement John Frusciante, who's 11th hour praise of the late guitarist is one of the most beautiful interviews in any rock doc, punctuating how much of an influence the late funky player was... he set the pattern of the band's sound forever...

Hillel Slovak and the Red Hot Chili Peppers in TOUGH GUYS

And yet, beginning in a kind of old school prog-rock band, we never really learn how Slovak went from that 1970's chunky power-chord rock sound to the new wave techno sound of his in-between band What Is This to the funk-filled discovery of what glued the band together... 

That's most likely because he had passed away after their third album (HIS second with the band), and what's left are sporadic diary entries and a few words from his former girlfriend (a widow of sorts) and a lookalike brother... But mostly this doc centers on both Kiedis and Flea about how the band formed, and it all began with seeing Slovak playing in that band in high school... before either were musicians, or even wanted to be...

Hillel Slovak and the Red Hot Chili Peppers in TOUGH GUYS

Then kind of wisping through the beginning stages of the band's formation that included hanging out and getting stoned... which inevitably leads to a few rushed recollections of drug abuse by band members... Which isn't bad since things don't drag or get too wordy or preachy or melodramatic... nor does the doc rely on that kind of new author-intrusive device of the interviewees pretending to be shocked about something revealed by the interviewer...

The only genuine perspective comes from the two survivors of a band that blew up after a decade of LA nightclub punk-rock beginnings shown in a collage of interesting artwork and just enough music for what's both a tribute and testament.

Hillel Slovak and the Red Hot Chili Peppers in TOUGH GUYS

Hillel Slovak and the Red Hot Chili Peppers in TOUGH GUYS with Flea and Anthony Kiedes

Hillel Slovak and the Red Hot Chili Peppers in TOUGH GUYS with Flea and Anthony Kiedes

Hillel Slovak and the Red Hot Chili Peppers in TOUGH GUYS with Flea and Anthony Kiedes

Hillel Slovak and the Red Hot Chili Peppers in TOUGH GUYS

Hillel Slovak and the Red Hot Chili Peppers in TOUGH GUYS

 

HARLEM NIGHTS (1989)

According to the trivia for Eddie Murphy's time-period gangster flick HARLEM NIGHTS, the humor on set between himself, Richard Pryor, Redd Foxx and Della Reese were funnier than anything in the movie... That's more than trivia, it's an outright admission that NIGHTS suffers from being too complicated a plot for these comic actors to be able to pull off their characters while at the same time, being funny...

In BEVERLY HILLS COP, the fact that Eddie Murphy's best friend was murdered meant nothing during scenes when he would, for example, argue with a hotel manager about getting a room, or argue even harder with employees at a warehouse about why he's snooping around... There aren't many pockets within the rather cliche old-school gangster flick involving gangsters and crooked cops wanting to move in on the main characters (THE GODFATHER ring a bell?) for comedy geniuses like Pryor, Murphy or Foxx to do their thing... Being constantly stuck within the story, HARLEM NIGHTS is as claustrophobic to the audience as it was to the actors... a shame since there are some worthwhile moments and potential to be had... But Murphy was obviously over his head, mainly as director... His timing was off in both the performance and cadence/timing of the overall picture... So John Landis would have been a far better choice to put everyone else's pressure off Murphy so he can shine: see COMING TO AMERICA, another Eddie Murphy production, for all the proof you'll need...Or watch Ted Demme's LIFE, set during the same era only taking place in prison, and with a dream sequence involving a similar nightclub and you'll see that Murphy's juggling too many plates to serve-up a satisfying main course. Rates: **1/2

THE HUNTING WIVES (2025)

The Stepford Wives meets Twin Peaks meets The L Word  meets Desperate Housewives meets A Simple Plan (and some Gypsy, another Netflix series, thrown in)... About rich Texas Republicans who use every cliche (and red state reference) in the book, which is obviously overly deliberate, and thankfully the characters thaw out of their formidable shells into seeming more human than hackneyed... With a frame story about a gorgeous blonde teenage cheerleader whose death rocks the town, straight from that famous David Lynch series, but THE HUNTING WIVES isn't really ironical or weird, just extremely sexual...

The two main characters are Malin Akerman and Brittany Snow: one's older and hot and confident; the other's shy and mousy-cute, looks 22 when she's 40... Their lesbian romance is so overly hinted at and teased, there's not the necessary tension in their inevitable hooking up... Overall, despite the high-class-suburban conservative setting, things are so sensuously liberal that there's really no shock value in the nighttime soap opera elements... it's like lighting up a fuse that's already sizzling... But these two ladies are good enough in their opposites-attract attraction to keep the pulpy/page-turning (eventually neo-noir inspired) cadence worthwhile. Rating: ***1/2