THE SWORD IN THE STONE

title: THE SWORD IN THE STONE

year: 1963

genre: animation

studio: Disney

rating: ***

This has as much to do with King Arthur as The Phantom Menace does with Darth Vader, as a clumsy pre-teen squire named "Wart", working for a mean step-father and bullying brother, befriends the wizard Merlin, more goofy than wise, and his talking pet owl. Merlin turns the kid into several animals including a fish, squirrel and bird, teaching him more about natural selection than anything that'd aid him in his future position as King of England, which is only shown for the last five minutes after "Wart" pulls the titular sword from the stone with inevitable ease. The songs aren't too annoying, the animation looks good, and it definitely won't bore the kiddies.

HERBIE GOES TO MONTE CARLO

title: HERBIE GOES TO MONTE CARLO

year: 1977

cast: Dean Jones, Don Knotts, Eric Braeden

rating: **1/2

A more fitting title would be THE LUST BUG, as Herbie can't concentrate on qualifying for the big race in Monte Carlo because of a cute little light-blue sports car. Herbie driving off-course to catch his prize becomes a bit distracting, as does a side-plot involving a stolen diamond hidden within the bug's gas tank sought after by two bumbling (and unfunny) crooks. If more was centered on the race: Herbie ala Dean Jones and Don Knotts verses Eric Braeden in his Grand Prix hotrod, it'd be a far more interesting ride. Funnier too.

THE GNONE-MOBILE

title: THE GNOME-MOBILE

year: 1968

cast: Walter Brennan

rating: *

I've been on a Disney kick lately, watching (or rather, re-watching) all those live-action gems I grew up being amazed by. Within ten minutes of this vapid doozy about a bunch of "little people" in the forest being threatened by a big bad environmental corporation, when the three leads all broke into song... my addiction went belly-up. To quote John Cleese's character in SILVERADO: "Today my jurisdiction ends here".

THE COMPUTER WORE TENNIS SHOES

year: 1968

rating: **

The first of three Disney "Dexter Riley" films starring Kurt Russell as the head of a group of eavesdropping science students at an always financially-strapped University is too plot-heavy. Dexter gets electracuted by a computer and his brain becomes one, allowing him to pass tests with ease and excell and anything having to do with facts or memorization. There's a boring blonde kid named "Pete" who, in later Dexter films, is replaced as Dexter's sidekick by Michael McGreevy as "Schuyler". McGreevy is in this movie but hasn't become Archie's Jughead yet. And there's too much emphasis on Ceaser Romero, William Schallert and Joe Flynn and not enough of the kids. This film isn't a students-strike-back team effort like the other two. It's mostly all about Dexter and the grown-ups and the premise gets pretty tired quick. "Now You See Him Now You Don't" is much better.

NOW YOU SEE HIM, NOW YOU DON'T

year: 1972

cast: Kurt Russell, Joe Flynn, Michael McGreevey, Richard Bakalyan, Ceaser Romero, Mike Evans, Jim Backus, William Windom, Joyce Menges

rating: ***

If there were a "Dexter Riley" TV series (based on the characters from "The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes"), centering on the title character and his science class University cohorts, this would be the best episode; the worst being the follow-up "The Strongest Man in the World". Although Kurt Russell looks more like a jock than a geek you forget he's anyone else but the energetic young man who starred in many live-action Disney films of the sixties and seventies (before becoming John Carpenter's Clint Eastwood). He and goofball buddy Schuyler (Disney staple Michael McGreevey, a human cartoon) use a spray Dexter invented that turns things invisible to win a science contest (and to free the school from debt) - but first must be excepted into the running. So they follow their dean Joe Flynn to the golf course, a non-golfer trying to impress a millionaire golf nut who runs the contest. An invisible Dexter helps all Flynn's shots go in the hole - this is the funnest part of the film... after which that string of purposely-frustrating "Disney-letdowns" occur: the things that once worked now fail because of a villain's tampering. The spray is stolen by Ceaser Romero, a crime boss with plans to turn the campus into his own Las Vegas. He and cohort Richard Bakalan (always a Disney thug and the cop who kills Faye Dunaway in "Chinatown") make themselves invisible, rob a bank and turn their car invisible. The last twenty minutes involves a chase between the students, the police, and the invisible car. Here things give up creatively but are still entertaining. Above-average Disney fare.

UNIDENTIFIED FLYING ODDBALL

title: UNIDENTIFIED FLYING ODDBALL

year: 1979

cast: Dennis Dugan

rating: **

At one time Dennis Dugan annoyed me but after "The Howling" I began to appreciate him. He's not too bad here (as a cross between Don Knotts and Dean Jones) playing duo roles: a scientist and a robot-astronaut clone of himself. Both go up in a rocket (the scientist accidently) and land in King Arthur's court where our wimpy hero battles Sir Mordred (Jim Dale, a Disney staple) and woos a beautiful farm girl while teaching King Arthur and Merlin about the history of America. What begins as a semi-intriguing sci-fi comedy gets weighed down by the setting of the book, Mark Twains "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court", wherein the adaptation value of a modern man in Arthurian England being mistaken for a wizard, the best aspect of the novel, is all but lost within silly swordplay and meandering, unfunny hijinks. Overall this is a Disney dud.

RETURN FROM WITCH MOUNTAIN

year: 1978

cast: Kim Richards, Ike Eisenmann, Bette Davis

rating: ***1/2

The original, ESCAPE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN, centered too much on Eddie Albert, his RV, and the villain and not enough of the kids. I realize the kids were the stars but it didn't seem as much their movie as this sequel in which the alien brother and sister take a visit to L.A. and things go wrong really quick. The boy is kidnapped and brainwashed by evil Christopher Lee, his henchman Anthony James, and Lee's seemingly-bad counterpart Bette Davis (who turns good later on). The girl escapes and joins a gang of ten year old street urchins and they plan to rescue the brother. Good versus evil is a lot funner this time around since there are more kids involved. I also enjoyed the climax pitting brother and sister against each other. Chalk this up as another example where the sequel trumps the original. At least for me.

SUPERDAD

title: SUPERDAD

year: 1972

cast: Bob Crane, Kurt Russell, Bruno Kirby, Ed Begley Jr.

rating: *1/2

Creepy. The intro has Bob Crane (famous for the title role in "Hogans Heroes" and his sex video hobby that eventually led to his murder) running around on a beach with his teenage daughter, and his daughter is telling him that he, her dad, is the only man for her... or something just as sickening. Bob tries winning her, and her childhood-friend-turned-boyfriend (Kurt Russell), and all their beachy pals (including Bruno Kirby and Ed Begley Jr.) over by surfing and waterskiing and partying and basically being a "cool hip dad". Bob, looking more like Porky Pig than Hogan, eventually cross-country stalks his daughter who's gone off to college, making sure no man gets near her. And eventually battles an evil San Fransico Beatnik she's taken up with — thus proving he's really a super dad afterall. Creepy.

THE CAT FROM OUTER SPACE

title: THE CAT FROM OUTER SPACE

year: 1978

cast: Ken Berry

rating: ***

Domestic cats seem like they're from outer space to begin with; with their haughty mannerisms alone they're merely looking down on we mortal humans. So having a cat be from a more intellegent highly developed planet isn't much of a stretch. The tabby cat hero in this averagely entertaining live-action seventies Disney film merely has to act like a cat, and with the aid of a collar full of lights that glow when it's allowing humans to fly or horses to win races, it's totally believeable that this creature is better than us. For the most part the cat, Jake (voiced by Ronnie Schell), is better than the film itself, which isn't too bad but kind of meanders along at times; the first half set-up as the cat adapts to Earth, helps his friends bet horses and win a pool match against mobsters fares better than the last part outwitting government agents. Ken Berry does a decent job replacing the usual Disney staple Dean Jones (Berry is to Jones what Buddy Ebson is to Eddie Albert). It's interesting seeing both M*A*S*H colonels McClean Stevenson and Harry Morgan in a film together. And Jake's spaceship, which looks like the head of an space alien grasshopper, is kinda cool lookin'... at least from the outside.

BEDTIME STORIES

title: BEDTIME STORIES

cast: Adam Sandler

year: 2008

rating: ***

The difference between an Adam Sandler film produced by his own Happy Madison and one produced by Disney is, in this case, the Disney film flows a little better, is cleaner, and has a CGI hampster as one of the main characters. Film centers on a guy who reads bedtime stories to his neice and nephew and they end up coming true; at least the theme and plot elements... and in turn better his horrible life: he works as a custodian at a posh hotel that his father once owned when it was small and ran into the ground. There are good guys and bad guys and some pretty decent laughs, but nothing hilarious happens; although this doesn't matter because it's a bedtime story of a film: relaxing, laidback and unassuming, on purpose.