AVATAR

title: AVATAR

year: 2009

cast: Sam Worthington, Sigourney Weaver

writer/director: James Cameron

rating: *1/2

The first twenty minutes, although we're quickly force-fed the plot of a crippled marine going to a planet called Pandora where his counterpart "Avatar", clone to the indigenous natives, will seek trust in these tall blue Na'vi (all this happening while he, in human form, lays a tanning booth and guides the creature) in order to abduct a mineral to take back to earth (symbolizing oil, of course)... isn't bad, seeming as if a young James Cameron, who directed "Aliens", "The Terminator" and "The Terminator 2" with flowing precision, is at the helm. We're on a terrific adventure and it looks pretty neat: like a Roger Dean "Yes" album cover with motion. But then something happens: Once within the forest, separated from his fellow troops, the Avatar discovers he digs the peace-loving natives more than stupid humans, falls in love with the hottest of the tall blue elf-folk, and after taming a flying dragon and bedding down the babe, he's "one of the gang" way too quickly. Most of the action of the film's first half, pitting our hero against forest-dwelling predators, is (in a visual and directorial sense) straight out of JURASSIC PARK; the thrills eventually taking a backseat to drawn-out new-age ceremonies and cheesy dialog too horrible to repeat. And when the big battle ensues... The Honest Natives Vs The Greedy Americans... the vague, undeveloped characters get lost within the expensive flash. AVATAR, filmed in 3D but with 1D everything else, in trying to blend science-fiction, fantasy, romance, and a big bright moral message, ends up mirroring Cameron's view of the American Military: overwrought, overpriced and completely brain-dead.

A CHRISTMAS CAROL 3D

title: A CHRISTMAS CAROL 3D

year: 2009

cast: Jim Carrey, Bob Hoskins

director: Robert Zemekis

rating: **

Amazing how much a modern 3D movie can put you RIGHT THERE, like you're experiencing every nook and cranny as a nearby observer. But that's also the problem. Everything happens as if being spied upon - taking away from any story being told... much less a classic one. I never felt the journey - of a grumpy, stingy old man being shown his past, present and future by three ghosts - had any other reason to change Scrooge from a nasty coot to the nicest guy in the world other than the fact he got the piss scared out of him by formidable CGI specters. It had little to do with his neglected childhood, his selfish present state or outlook on Christmas, his doomed future... or a little crippled boy named Tim. (Being shrunk to the size of a walnut and chased around by the Grim Reaper and his demonic black horses would have turned Hitler into a Care Bear too.) Nothing was special about Scrooge's redemption other than the fact he was forced on a trip through hell and was glad to be alive at the end. The point of the Dicken's tale is that Scrooge is SHOWN these things that alter his outlook, not force-fed them. While director Robert Zemekis got his money's worth of CGI, he overlooked everything else.

PLANET TERROR

title: PLANET TERROR

year: 2007

cast: Rose McGowan, Josh Brolin, Rose McGowan, Nicky Katt

writer/director: Robert Rodriguez

rating: ***1/2

The first (and only good) segment of the theatrical film GRINDHOUSE teaming Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino doing their own "cheap" horror films. Plot centers on a group of survivors during an outbreak brought back from Iraq. The military is at fault (like most "outbreak" films) not for preachy reasons but because it's a sendup of the zombie genre... yet it also stands on its own merits. The characters are fantastic; standouts being Josh Brolin as an evil doctor turned "sicko" and his beautiful, beaten, closet-lesbian doctor wife (Marley Shelton). You'll see a lot in the promotion with Rose McGowan as a stripper with a machine gun leg, but this happens in the last five minutes. Jeff Fahey is also quite good as a sloppy, tough cafe owner: a cross between Vic Tayback and Clint Eastwood; as is Michael Biehn as his sheriff brother. And Bruce Willis, Naveen Andrews ("Lost") and Quentin Tarantino make effective cameos. Writer/Director Rodriguez never lets up with action but still finds time for story, and the character-development is placed perfectly within all the running around, gun-fights, car chases, and killings. Bad sound, screen blotches, and missing reels are purposely added to cement the GRINDHOUSE experience (theaters that'd play several B movies in a row using cheap projectors). This makes little-to-no sense since it's a big budget CGI film, but the flaws, contrived or otherwise, don't hinder this rollercoaster ride one bit. Oh and Freddy Rodriguez (no relation to Robert) does well in the lead male role despite his semi-wimpy appearance (which takes a few minutes to get used to). Overall THIS IS the good child of "Grindhouse"... the second segment, Tarantino's "Deathproof", should be put in time-out... FOREVER!

BEDTIME STORIES

title: BEDTIME STORIES

cast: Adam Sandler

year: 2008

rating: ***

The difference between an Adam Sandler film produced by his own Happy Madison and one produced by Disney is, in this case, the Disney film flows a little better, is cleaner, and has a CGI hampster as one of the main characters. Film centers on a guy who reads bedtime stories to his neice and nephew and they end up coming true; at least the theme and plot elements... and in turn better his horrible life: he works as a custodian at a posh hotel that his father once owned when it was small and ran into the ground. There are good guys and bad guys and some pretty decent laughs, but nothing hilarious happens; although this doesn't matter because it's a bedtime story of a film: relaxing, laidback and unassuming, on purpose.