RETURN OF THE JEDI

alt title: STAR WARS VI  
year of release: 1983

cast: Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher
rating: ****1/2

Realizing that Lucas, although not the director, was fully in charge of EMPIRE and this: the last of the original trilogy, the more I can see hired director Richard Marquand's input. Being a director of "Eye of the Needle" and other spy thrillers, he adds an particular British element of meticulous, pinpointed, philosophical intrigue and suspense, mostly centered on the lead-up and climax involving Luke Skywalker and Darth Vadar meeting the Emperor in the almost-completed bigger/better Death Star. One shot in particular, now iconic, of an elevator door quickly slides open, revealing Vadar and Skywalker, is a personal favorite moment (image) of the trilogy.

Mark Hamill, better than ever, along with Darth Vadar and IanMcDiarmid as the Emperor owns this one while Harrison "Han Solo" Ford and Carrie "Princess Leia" Fisher provide the working-class action of the B story...

Having landed on the Forest planet of Endor (where lives too-adorably-contrived creatures called Ewoks who, along with overlong expository scenes, slow down the pace until they prove their underdog defense tactics), they have to shut down the Death Star's shields so that Lando, with the aid of Wedge and other pilots, blow up the Death Star... in a dogfight like no other. And the first act, back on Tattoine, in and out of Jabba's Palace, proves that Jim Henson's puppetry does wonder over CGI, a blend of noir and pirate lore kicking things off with a pulpy roar.

AVATAR

title: AVATAR

year: 2009

cast: Sam Worthington, Sigourney Weaver

writer/director: James Cameron

rating: *1/2

The first twenty minutes, although we're quickly force-fed the plot of a crippled marine going to a planet called Pandora where his counterpart "Avatar", clone to the indigenous natives, will seek trust in these tall blue Na'vi (all this happening while he, in human form, lays a tanning booth and guides the creature) in order to abduct a mineral to take back to earth (symbolizing oil, of course)... isn't bad, seeming as if a young James Cameron, who directed "Aliens", "The Terminator" and "The Terminator 2" with flowing precision, is at the helm. We're on a terrific adventure and it looks pretty neat: like a Roger Dean "Yes" album cover with motion. But then something happens: Once within the forest, separated from his fellow troops, the Avatar discovers he digs the peace-loving natives more than stupid humans, falls in love with the hottest of the tall blue elf-folk, and after taming a flying dragon and bedding down the babe, he's "one of the gang" way too quickly. Most of the action of the film's first half, pitting our hero against forest-dwelling predators, is (in a visual and directorial sense) straight out of JURASSIC PARK; the thrills eventually taking a backseat to drawn-out new-age ceremonies and cheesy dialog too horrible to repeat. And when the big battle ensues... The Honest Natives Vs The Greedy Americans... the vague, undeveloped characters get lost within the expensive flash. AVATAR, filmed in 3D but with 1D everything else, in trying to blend science-fiction, fantasy, romance, and a big bright moral message, ends up mirroring Cameron's view of the American Military: overwrought, overpriced and completely brain-dead.

DRAGONSLAYER

title: DRAGONSLAYER

year: 1981

rating: **

Overall this is an okay fantasy, in looks, but lacked overall movie magic and yet, used way too much of it in the literal sense, being that the main character was a sorcerer's apprentice, providing an "out" in many instances, leaving the story without much difficulty or hardship for the good guys or suspense for the audience. It was all a little too easy, and the climax is a big letdown except that the dragon looks incredible, and isn't dated to this day. The real problem is the hero, played by who'd usually be cast as a weenie-wimp later on: Peter MacNicol. On the other hand, Caitlin Clarke, who dressed as a boy to avoid the town's virgin sacrifice to the dragon, tricks everyone, which would've never happened since she's far too cute. One sequence where a princess is killed by baby dragons... the evil puppets eating/crunching her feet... is downright disturbing, feeling more like the filmmakers wanted to rich girl to pay for her wealth rather than her death making any sense within the already convoluted storyline. 

RED SONJA (ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER)

year: 1985

cast: Brigitte Neilson

director: Richard Fleischer

rating: ***

If you hear a movie is bad enough times you will avoid watching it. Thus is RED SONYA, a film centering on a female sword-weilding hottie who sets out to kill a queen for burning her home as a child, or something. Oh but it doesn't matter. With Arnold Schwarzenegger as her Conan-like sidekick (that's right, Arnold is a sidekick and not the main character), and some pretty neat fights this is pretty decent fare. It's a nice companion piece to "Conan the Destroyer", and doesn't try to be anything but what it is: corny pulpy sword-and-sorcery with hard bodies and wall-to-wall bloody action. Works for me.

CONAN THE DESTROYER

year: 1984

cast: Arnold Swarzenegger

director: Richard Fleischer

rating: ***

More of an esamble piece with characters played by Wilt Chamberlain and Grace Jones, but their characters served the plot decently enough, the plot involving a virgin princess (Olivia D'Abo) who must be "delivered" with her virginity intact, and Conan and his "posse" are hired for the delivery and they fight some nasty creatures along the way. Tracey Walter is doing the same kind of role that great-surfer-turned-bad-actor Gerry Lopez did in the original but as comic relief, he's not very funny. Although it doesn't matter. Battles ensue and we're not thrust into a long epic like the first film, and unlike the first there's not just one villain but a lot of them, including Sarah Douglas as an evil queen, a couple of monsters and a metallic snake!

FIRE AND ICE

title: FIRE AND ICE

year: 1983

cast: Steve Sandor

director: Ralph Bakshi

animator: Frank Frazetta

rating: ****

The plot isn't much: the daughter of an important warrior is kidnapped and a blonde warrior must rescue her and rid the land of the encroaching glaciers... and this scant setup works to an advantage. Since it's is a fantasy we don't get a big epic, instead a lot of little battle scenes pitting the blonde buff dude and the sexy brunette chick against really nasty creatures. The direction by Ralph Bakshi of the incredible animation by Frank Frazetta makes this a really entertaining, very bloody yet somehow laidback fantasy adventure that gets right down to the nitty gritty without a lot of rambling backstory.

HAN SOLO AT STAR'S END (BOOK)

title: HAN SOLO AT STAR'S END

year: 1979

author: Brian Daley

rating: ***1/2

THIS REVIEW HAS MOVED TO THE NEW CULT FILM FREAK

ZARDOZ

title: ZARDOZ

year: 1974

cast: Sean Connery

director: John Boorman

rating: *

If you want to see Sean Connery wearing nothing but red bikini underwear and long boots, and grunting his dialog, this is your cup. The movie is set in the future that resembles the middle ages. Centers on a gruff gladiator "outlander" who kills for his god, "Zardoz". He then hitches a ride on the giant statue head that flies around, which is worshipped by the "outlanders" and whose name is... you got it, Zardoz. During the flight he unintentionally kills the wizard who mans the flying-head, and then he lands in a place where beautiful women and sterile men (also beautiful) live in a big white castle. It's here Connery becomes an imprisoned banal stud in a world of ruling-class intellectual softies. This is a John Boorman film, and a bad one at that. Bill McKinney raping Ned Beatty in "Deliverance" - Boorman's only masterpiece - was less uncomfortable than watching this embarressing travesty. One wonders why it was even made, or why Connery agreed to it. It's supposed to have a deep message about religion and its followers, but the only message I got was that Connery would do anything for a buck.

THE FISHER KING

title: THE FISHER KING

year: 1991

cast: Jeff Bridges, Robin William, Mercedes Ruehl

rating: ***

This is a magical film... that works. Nothing compares to its weird bravado and chaotic characters and no movie, in taking this big a risk in merging so many aspects, has succeeded as well. The plot centers on a shock jock radio guy played by Jeff Bridges (basically playing Howard Stern without the charm or humor) whose advice to a lonely man causes this man to kill people in a restaurant. Bridges sees the news report of the deaths (mentioning that he is the cause), mutters the f-word, and the film skips forward several years as he's working for his girlfriend in a video store (that rents VHS movies... ever heard of those?). His girlfriend is played by Mercedes Ruehl, in what I consider one of the best supporting roles ever. She firmly stands by her man as he slumps around hating the world and tries pushing him to succeed at the same time. She never goes over-the-top but she gives a very, very dramatic, charismatic performance which, in the hands of a less dependable actress, could have easily gone hammy. Director Terry Gilliam is at his best: not too kooky, not too normal; but normal enough and kooky enough to create a brand new genre of film: "urban fantasy"... and giving it a good name.