STAYING ALIVE

year: 1983

cast: John Travolta, Cynthia Rhodes, Finola Hughes
bad movie rating: ***1/2

This is not a John Travolta film. It belongs entirely to writer/director Sylvester Stallone, rehashing the Rocky storyline of a dimwitted diamond-in-the-rough Italian fighting to survive... only in this case it's a dancer, not a boxer, and unlike Rocky, it's a bad movie. Travolta fights to make it from his former struggling strutter to lead dancer in what's perhaps the gayest Broadway musical ever created (named "Satan's Alley," inspired by Sly's "Paradise Alley"). Playing the character he made famous in "Saturday Night Fever", our man's in great shape, but look too thin, gaunt, strung-out. He charms his way into the bed of a beautiful Broadway star (Finola Hughes) who turns the tables and plays him... and there's an overabundance of Travolta getting his just-deserts: the player being played, played to the hilt while he's using his pretty, gullible girlfriend (Cynthia Rhodes) who can't help but to love the handsome devil. Her love for him is even more annoying than his lust for the femme fatale. And eventually, of course, like Rocky, our hero ends up champion of a game he never thought he'd had a chance in to begin with. Overall, it's terrible fun. Terrible yet fun. Terrible. Fun. Terribly fun. 

ROCKY III

title: ROCKY III

year: 1982

cast: Sylvester Stallone, Taila Shire, Burt Young, Carl Weathers, Burgess Meredith, Mr. T, Hulk Hogan, Tony Burton, Frank Stallone, Stu Nahan

writer/director: Sylvester Stallone

rating: ****

Taking away the dated and often preposterous factors, including an over-the-top battle against Hulk Hogan that makes us believe professional wrestling isn't scripted, and the casting of eighties icon Mr. T as the mega-villain rival Clubber Lange (who's performance isn't bad, but the character is blatantly one-dimensional), this, the third outing in the ROCKY series, is a terrific ride. The first two films were seemingly-realistic studio-driven-indies while this is the big budget mainstream peak of the franchise: for better or worse, it's all here. The opening credit sequence (after two back-to-back montages), as Burt Young's sloppy and desperate (and often comic-relief-providing) "Paulie" wanders the streets in a drunken stupor, we're reminded of the street-savvy original. And during both of Rocky's training sessions... the first where he's not taking things seriously (an inside-satire of the franchise's corporate megalomania) before going up against his formidable opponent - and then, after getting knocked-out and losing his beloved "Mickey", teaming with former rival/new trainer Apollo Creed in urban downtown Los Angeles - there's a genuine base delivering the goods to near-perfection. Just turn off and have fun.

EYE SEE YOU

title: EYE SEE YOU

year: 2002

cast: Sylvester Stallone, Tom Berenger, Charles Dutton, Kris Kristofferson, Robert Prosky, Robert Patrick, Rance Howard

rating: **1/2

This Sly Stallone straight-to-DVD action/suspense with one of the stupidest titles in history isn't that bad. A mysterious cop killer follows a cop (Sly) to a remote snow-laden outpost rehabilitation center and kills off the patients one by one. Stallone's workmates and his beautiful wife were slaughtered by this unseen madman - which sent Sly on a drinking binge that caused him to seek the rehabilitation. Now he has to not only get in touch with his feelings but as the body count continues in the gray, spooky corridors of the hospital (once a government outpost), he must stop the killer - who's very good at lurking in the shadows. What starts out as a dime-a-dozen action flick with way too many close-ups and MTV-like flashbacks turns into a decent ripoff of John Carpenter's THE THING. The mystery of who the murderer is will keep you interested till the end.

PARADISE ALLEY

year: 1978

cast: Sylvester Stallone, Armand Assante, Kevin Conway

writer/director: Sylvester Stallone

rating: **

A movie that begins with a song sung by Sylvester Stallone has to be good... for something. If not simply for laughs. This is Sly's followup to ROCKY and has the feel of a film noir comic book and the dialogue of a pulpy dime novel. Sly plays a fast-talking role he'd have written for Burt Young or a more versitile character-actor, but doesn't do too bad a job... his acting is better than his directing herein. Plot centers on three brother (named in order up top): the main one a flaky rogue; one a crooked thug; one a very large, dumb lovable oaf... and there's barroom wrestling. It's no surprise which brother manages, which one wants all the money, and which one wrestles? Well Sly's not the fighter this time, and Armand Assante is both big brother and semi-antagonist (Funhouse star Kevin Conway the main heavy). This was Stallone's sophmore jinx after ROCKY rocketed him to stardom. The film has heart, but is, overall, a pointless mess.

CANNONBALL

title: CANNONBALL

year: 1976

cast: David Carradine, Belinda Balaski, Robert Carradine, Bill McKinney, Sylvester Stallone, Martin Scorsese, Dick Miller

director: Paul Bartel

rating: ****

Not as beloved as Roger Corman's "Deathrace 2000", the car-race film also starring David Carradine and directed by Paul Bartel, but is, in its own way, better. No funny-violent sideplot here, just a straight-out cross-country race based on the real life (and very illegal) Cannonball Run; yes, the same one Burt Reynolds and Hal Needham would take on a few years later... but this is more raw, rough and ragged. Each group has their own quirks and motivations, allowing the viewer to care about the outcome and feel part of the action, which is pretty much non-stop. Sylvester Stallone, who played Carradine's arch-enemy in "Deathrace 2000", makes a cameo as a mobster (along with Martin Scorsese).