DRAGNET

year: 1987
cast: Dan Aykroyd, Tom Hanks
rating: ***

Plot involves a group called P.A.G.A.N. who worship the devil and burn buildings and then leave their business cards behind after each scorching. Dan Aykroyd not only gets to ramble in his monotone to his partner Tom Hank's chagrin, but also, like the famous TV series, provides the straight-forward narration throughout. It's a little bit painful for a while - Aykroyd playing the character as someone as annoying as the original Friday seemed to baby boomers, at least until the plot comes together, and Friday gets a love interest (Alexandra Paul), then you actually feel something for the characters. Hanks lands a couple funnier lines, the bad guys become revealed, and the car chases aren't too bad. In no way is this an endorsement to rent or buy this flick, but if you accidently happen on it on cable, it won't kill you like other Aykroyd ventures such as "Loose Cannons", "My Stepmother is an Alien" and the worst film ever made, "Nothing But Trouble".

HOMER AND EDDIE

title: HOMER AND EDDIE

year: 1989

cast: Whoopi Goldberg, James Belushi, Karen Black, John Waters

rating: **1/2

Road movies usually, no matter what, have the same thing going for them: if they get boring there's always something else up the... road. In this film, a retarded man - because of an injury where a baseball hit him on the head - takes to the highway for no other reason than his curiosity of something outside his small town, and, after getting robbed, meets his polar opposite, a streetwise black woman who, at first, seems like a funny spontaneous crook but as the film progresses we learn she has a terminal brain tumor. She enjoys not only robbing stores at gun point but eventually killing people. The goofy interplay between the duo is hard, almost impossible to take during the first half (not helped by some horrible jump-cut editing), but when the violence begins, the film gets more interesting though never realistic. Belushi's performance embodies the typical Hollywood template when dealing with the mentally-challenged, displaying selective endearingly-childlike simplicity until a sort of "alternate wisdom" occurs: teaching us how we all should be. And Whoopi is being Whoopi, for better or worse.

FUNNY PEOPLE (2009)

The title isn't misleading, it's ironic. Such a fine line, isn't it? Plot centers on a famous comic played by Adam Sandler, who went from raunchy standup to starring in bad-yet-successful movies (playing himself?)... and he's diagnosed with a fatal disease. Sick and dying, he seeks refuge in struggling standup Seth Rogan, whom he hires as writer, sidekick, and eventually, best friend. Sandler and Rogan have okay chemistry; their humor bounces back and forth nicely at times, awkwardly at others. And their standup routines are like something from an open-mic night in hell. The main problem is, you never really feel Sandler's fatal plight. It might be his performance, or the direction, that takes so much time centering on poop jokes and his sexual escapades with groupies. We only experience his health diminishing through collage scenes set to really loud music. When Sandler learns his disease has miraculously just... gone away, and that he's got a second chance, the film takes a bad turn. That which wasn't on a straight path to begin with veers into a flaming col-de-sac. Rates: **

OUT TO SEA

title: OUT TO SEA

year: 1997

cast: Walter Mathau, Jack Lemmon, Hal Linden, Brent Spiner

rating: ***1/2

Nifty follow-up (not sequel) to GRUMPY OLD MEN with the dynamic-duo Walter Mathau and Jack Lemmon playing, you got it, old codgers, this time posing as employed dance-partners on a cruise ship for wealthy old lady passengers: a sort of tricky Three's Company style of "don't get caught" ruse comedy. Mathau's character is an endearing gambling slob and Lemmon is a shy, passive neat-nick... sound familiar? There's a few runaround cons involving poor folks pretending to be rich then realizing they don't need money for love. The trickery and hijinks will keep you mildly entertained, which is all this movie asks for. The scene-stealer, though, is jerky antagonist Brent Spiner as their boss, seeming a cross between Peter Sellers and a human rodent.

THE ODD COUPLE 2

year: 1996

rating: *

The sound of a trumpet played by a pro: rich, vibrant, and beautiful. The sound of the trumpet's mouthpiece, no matter who's playing it, sounds like a... raspberry. That's exactly what this film, the sequel to the symbolic "trumpet" THE ODD COUPLE, is. Plot has Felix Unger (Lemmon) and Oscar Madison (Matthau) on a car trip to the wedding of Oscar's son and Felix's wife. Neil Simon throws in all the road-comedy cliche and then some - basically everything you saw in TRAINS, PLANES AND AUTOMOBILES but without the humor. Well there's humor but it isn't funny. The main problem is, Felix isn't really a futz and Oscar isn't really a slob... or maybe we just can't tell because they're on the road overcoming "obstacles" instead of living together. The duo are hardly at ODDS because they're in the same boat (car) and have to rely on each other: thus killing the premise of not getting along because of contrasting personalities. A better idea for a sequel would have been: Oscar and Felix living in a rural town spending idle time ice-fishing and then fall in love with a woman who... oops, that's been done (GRUMPY OLD MEN). Really though, all joking aside... this could very well be the worst sequel ever made.

THE SUNSHINE BOYS

title: THE SUNSHINE BOYS

year: 1975

cast: Walter Matthau, George Burns

writer: Neil Simon

director: Herbert Ross

rating: ***

Neil Simon stage play adaptation about two retired codgers who were once vaudeville performers with a chance to do one of their skits on a prime time variety show... if only they can get along long enough to do it. Walter Matthau is the grumpy lead whose acting is good but borders on a performance: at times you can tell he's acting. George Burns, playing his age, is the mellower of the two and the role fits him to a tee. Richard Benjiman, as Matthau's agent and nephew, does everything he can to get "Lewis and Clark" together for the show... it will help his career and perhaps give Matthau some dignity. But Matthau wants nothing to do with Burns and vice versa. By the time we see them auditioning and then performing their skit the film has pretty much run its course. Matthau's character is a little too neurotic and you just want him to go away. The skit involving a doctor (Matthau), a tax collector (Burns), and a busty blonde (Lee Meredith) seems like a mediocre SCTV bit and leaves the viewer wondering why they were popular in the first place. But Neil Simon's dialog flows neatly and the transition of stage play to film is well balanced by director Herbert Ross. And keep an eye out for F. Murray Abraham, years before he kills Mozart, as an edgy auto mechanic.

LOOKIN' TO GET OUT

year: 1982

cast: Jon Voight, Burt Young, Ann Margaret, Angelina Jolie

director: Hal Ashby

rating: **1/2

The first fifty minutes with Jon Voight and Burt Young as two unlucky gamblers talking about life and losing (one in the same for these guys) is very entertaining. They go from L.A. to Las Vegas, get set up in a Vegas Suite, and the freestyle fun continues as the fish out of water live it up. Then the bottom falls out when the film becomes a stupid "chase" film as our two lovable losers spend the last half of the film running away from the two fat silly thugs they shook in L.A. with a really bad electronic score in the background. Should have remained a character-study, and dropped the pointless action, which wasn't suspensful anyhow. Mostly known for a cameo by Voight's real-life daughter Angelina Jolie as his fictional one.

HUSBANDS

year: 1970
director: John Cassavetes
rating: **

In real life people often forget what to say – or have nothing to say. They reach around for the right word at the right moment and there are many uncomfortable silences. Real people rarely look each other straight into the eyes when talking (or listening to someone else talking) as happens in movies. There's no script in life and often no point, but when we watch a movie we WANT a point because our lives are often pointless; or at least FEELS that way. And life can be very annoying. Which brings me to the case at hand. This film IS annoying, like life... but the problem is it really doesn't go anywhere interesting. At least not for me. There are some WONDERFUL moments when the story – of three men who just lost their best friend having drinking binges from New York to Europe – rears its head and the camerawork is often quite brilliant. But most of the time we're stuck with too many pointless bouts of talking and singing, or singing and talking, or drinking and talking and vomiting and singing and talking and gambling and talking and singing and more and more talking, during which I feel a little TOO aware of the obvious improvisation from otherwise brilliant actors John Cassavetes, the leader, sort of; Ben Gazzara, sort of a jerk; and Peter Falk, being himself... sort of. Or something...

REAL MEN

title: REAL MEN

year: 1987

cast: James Belushi, John Ritter

rating: ***

Neat odd-couple pairing of James Belushi as a tough CIA agent who does things his own way and John Ritter as a wimpy family man who can't defend his son from bullies. Belushi has to take Ritter across country (by car, for some reason) to Washington because Ritter is a dead ringer for a CIA agent who was killed and has to impersonate the agent for an exchange. Good stuff. The only real problems are the abusive way James Belushi treats John Ritter in the beginning, as Ritter's character isn't annoying enough to deserve it. There's not many big laughs, which doesn't seem to matter with road films, which have enough distractions to keep you occupied.

WALK LIKE A MAN

year: 1987

rating: **1/2

Now you'd expect a movie where stand-up comedian/comedic actor turned game-show host Howie Mandel plays a guy named Bobo raised by wolves trying to adjust to life back in civilization to be downright awful and not very entertaining. Well this is both bad and entertaining. Christopher Lloyd is his brother who wants (more like, needs) his new found brother (who luckily doesn't act like a dangerous wolf killing for food but rather a slobbering playful puppy) to sign a paper to give him the inheritance left by their father. The "chemistry" between uptight villainous Lloyd and goofy Mandel is standard odd-couple fare but the real heart comes from Amy Steele (the survivor of "Friday the 13th Part 2" and the "older girl" who took Michael J. Fox's virginity in "Family Ties"... yeah, THAT Amy Steele) who plays a wolf researcher hired by Lloyd to teach Bobo how to write (i.e. sign his name) (she also discovered him in the wild). Steele not only teaches him to write but to speak, hang out in the mall (where the only funny scenes take place), and accidently fall in love... with her. It's all very banal but that's no surprise. It's decent, silly, stupid fun, and not much worse than the comedy blockbusters with Jim Carrey or Adam Sandler or... you name 'em.

SUNSET

year: 1991

cast: Bruce Willis, James Garner, Malcolm McDowell, Dermot Mulroney 

director: Blake Edwards

rating: **

Not bad, not great. James Garner is the real life legendary Marshall Wyatt Earp and Bruce Willis is cowboy actor Tom Mix who is portraying Earp in a movie, and they both get together to solve a murder in old Hollywoodland. Kind of reminiscent of those episodes of "Rockford Files" where Garner teamed up with the classier "prettier" (younger) Tom Selleck, but since there's really no clashing between the REAL cowboy and the FAKE one there's not much chemistry either. It's like watching two friends agreeing upon everything - what's the fun in that? But there are some decent performances and you'll have light fun watching. Bruce Willis is passable doing his ever-charming-reaction acting style and James Garner keeps the ball rolling at a comfortable pace. Although in the end you'll forgot you've seen anything: except maybe cult icon Malcolm McDowell's final moments as a bizarre, classy and then monstrous villain. Overall, it's basically in one eye, out the next.

A FINE MESS

year: 1986

cast: Ted Danson, Howie Mandel, Paul Sorvino

director: Blake Edwards

rating: **

For a bad movie this wasn't THAT awful. A lot of running around and hijinks and pratfalls and all things Blake Edwards. Ted Danson and Howie Mandel make an odd team - sometimes it's not apparent which one is the straight man in the pair. It would seem Mandel would play the goofy sidekick but he's about as smooth with the ladies as Danson, only Danson gets more of them. Ted's basically playing "Sam Malone" on speed. The plot involves... oh who cares about the plot - it's just a screwball comedy sendup of the Laurel and Hardy films and overall is a fairly decent time waster.

TOP DOG

title: TOP DOG

year: 1995

cast: Chuck Norris, Timothy Bottoms

rating: **1/2

Chuck Norris teams up with a capable shaggy police dog named Reno to stop a group of racists. The direction puts you right there with the dog's movements and this happens during some of the action scenes as well. Chuck and the dog don't get along at first and then learn how to depend on each other; this happens in EVERY cop-buddy film, so why should this be different just because one of the cops has a flea collar? Good for kids, but pretty violent... for the adults forced to watch it with them.

JAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK

year: 2003

rating: *

I can't imagine "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" without Jeff Spicoli (Sean Penn), or "Animal House" without John Belushi, but having films centering solely on those characters probably wouldn't fare as good as the films in which they serve as iconic mascots used sporadically. The same thing can be said of Jay and Silent Bob, the two stoners from "Clerks" and a bevy of other Kevin Smith films, in which they're used whenever needed, for "comic relief", as it were. Put them in a film of their own and look what happens: a complete mess, ending up even worse than Smith's disaster "Mall Rats". The duo go on a road trip to Hollywood, meeting the unfunniest characters in history along the way, and once they arrive, it gets even worse, if that's possible.

THE BALLAD OF CABLE HOGUE

year: 1970
cast: Jason Robards, Stella Stevens, David Warner, Strother Martin, L.Q. Jones
rating: ***

A little Western fable about an old drifter named Cable Hogue (Jason Robards) who is left for dead in the desert by two criminals (L.Q. Jones and Strother Martin) who steal his water. Cable wanders around mumbling to God to save him, and then finds water bubbling under the earth. David Warner plays a promiscuous travelling preacher who happens upon the waterhole. Cable leaves him there to guard his find, goes into town to put a claim on his new land where he meets wary bankers and a hooker with a heavenly body and a heart of gold, Stella Stevens. It's somewhat mediocre for a Sam Peckinpah film, but above-average for a mellow anti-Western... That is, if it weren't a Peckinpah piece carrying-in those kind of pre-set expectations, it would have possibly fared better to fans of the Western genre. Then again, since it's so different and non-violent, perhaps without the Peck stamp it would have vanished entirely.

BREWSTER'S MILLIONS

title: BREWSTER'S MILLIONS

year: 1985

cast: Richard Pryor, John Candy, Peter Jason, Pat Hingle

director: Walter Hill

rating: ***

In this Walter Hill comedy (who's usually known for action), a whole lot happens, but not much lands. Although it doesn't seem to matter. The stuff that happens is entertaining enough, and things move as briskly and fast-paced as if this were an action film. An action-comedy. I don't mean "action-comedy" in the "Midnight Run" sense - meaning there's no actual adventure going on - but the comedic timing, the delivery of lines, and the running-around-frenzy of the characters provide enough movement to cover up the main flaw: that it's not very funny. Richard Pryor plays a minor league baseball player who inherits a lot of money and has to spend a million dollars a day for thirty days without having any assets to show for it, and then he'll inherit 300 million. The plot itself will keep the viewer drawn: will he reach the end of the rainbow with success?

GHOSTBUSTERS 2

title: GHOSTBUSTERS 2

year: 1989

cast: Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, Rick Moranis, Sigourney Weaver

grade: *1/2

Pointless action and some decent special effects backing up a convoluted storyline about a river of ghostly ooze running in the New York sewers created by an evil dictator in a painting who wants to kidnap a baby so that it can be reborn with his soul. Rick Moranis' character returns, but is subdued, and the new hyperactive dweeb-turned-demon is played by Peter MacNichol, providing one of the most annoying accents - and performances - that I've yet to witness. But the main problem is Bill Murray, who made the original with his glib mannerisms, countered by Akroyd's hyper persistence. Too much is centered on Dan's scientific terminology, and Murray seems bored throughout and herein grounds nothing. And the Ray Parker theme song is an actual song in the movie, which Aykroyd and Ernie Hudson dance to - and sing along with - entertaining a children's party who'd rather watch He-Man. Isn't this called breaking the fourth wall? So, then... a great theme song is not only trashed but replaced by a standard rap/R&B Bobby Brown tune... but then again, since this movie is such a dud... if the shoe fits.