SIN CITY

year: 2005

cast: Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, Brittany Murphy, Nicky Katt

rating: *

The look of this movie and THE SPIRIT, both written by "Graphic Novel" guru Frank Miller, is the same: scantly hand-drawn, purposely cheap looking discolored backdrops. Whatever this "new look"...feeling as if a punchdrunk Roger Rabbit molested cheap Japanese anime while giving birth to a braindead Matrix wannabe... is called, it should be forever done away with. This vapid, tacky mess, directed by Robert Rodriguez and with a "special director credit" to Quentin Tarantino, both who've gotten mossy in their middle age... is simply horrible. Porno-esque slowly timed acting and gloriously lame violence all seems like a lonely comic book reader euphorically visualizing his melodramatic dream-film.

THE DARK KNIGHT

title: THE DARK KNIGHT

year: 2008

cast: Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine

rating: *

My reviews usually insert a brief description of the plot, but since there's about a thousand plots I'll start with the man of the hour, the late Heath Ledger who, as said in interviews, was inspired by Malcom McDowell's performance in A CLOCKWORK ORANGE, but seems more like Rip Taylor channeling Paul Lynde imitating Johnny Depp impersonating a demented circus clown. Now a violently gay joker I don't mind, but he should at least have a backstory or purpose. Then again this entire film - set in a Gotham City that looks like Manhattan - has no purpose at all. Christian Bale delivers his lines like a porn star Hal 9000; and Mayor Harvey "Two-Face" Dent goes from friendly, highly-energetic politician to sinister villain for no other reason than getting blown up and deformed - REASON being another thing this film lacks... although there's tons of expensive flash to keep rabid "graphic novel" fans wide-eyed, mouths gaping for more. But for someone who likes a coherent storyline no matter what the genre, it's two-and-a-half hours of PURE TORTURE.

DAREDEVIL

title: DAREDEVIL

year: 2003

cast: Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner, David Keith, Colin Farrell, Jon Farvareu

rating: *

Tell me Ben Affleck is a superhero, okay... I'll buy it because I have to. Tell me Ben Affleck is blind with powers to hear what no man can see and can fight villains using this ultra-sensory... okay, I'll buy that too. But tell me that Ben Affleck was raised by a brawling ex boxer father in Hell's Kitchen, New York, and had to fight to survive and I'll throw a pie in your face. So by the time you're reading this you've cleaned off the pie but I don't have much to say about this disaster of a film based on the legendary Marvel superhero, one of the most creative superheroes ever. We get SOME backstory of Daredevil as a kid and how he got blind, but nothing about how he become a lawyer and the beginnings of his crime fighting. He meets Electra after a few really lame scenes involving he and smartass buddy Jon Farvareu discussing pop culture... Daredevil (Matt) and Electra don't hit it off; then fight each other in what seems like an MTV dance contest (the entire film has an MTV video feel, and is dizzying at that)... and the next scene DD and Electra are an item. Then they're misunderstanding each other. And Colin Farrell is to villains what the Village People were to music; no offense to the Village People: at least their songs are memorable. This is a horrible, disjointed review of a horrible, disjointed... you get the idea.

WATCHMEN

title: WATCHMEN

year: 2009

cast: Jackie Earle Haley

rating: *

An agenda-ridden film-noir-wannabe pretentious bore. And that was just the opening credits. And then the rest of this catastrophe has us believe that superheroes were "used" by the government to win the BIG WAR (against Hitler) and then the BAD WAR (Vietnam)... but my question is - if we had superheroes on our side, how would Hitler, or Pol Pot, have even gotten as far as they did in the first place? Style over substance has taken over plot and character-development. Images. That's what has taken over plot nowadays. Lots and lots of "REALLY COOL" images.