UNIDENTIFIED FLYING ODDBALL

title: UNIDENTIFIED FLYING ODDBALL

year: 1979

cast: Dennis Dugan

rating: **

At one time Dennis Dugan annoyed me but after "The Howling" I began to appreciate him. He's not too bad here (as a cross between Don Knotts and Dean Jones) playing duo roles: a scientist and a robot-astronaut clone of himself. Both go up in a rocket (the scientist accidently) and land in King Arthur's court where our wimpy hero battles Sir Mordred (Jim Dale, a Disney staple) and woos a beautiful farm girl while teaching King Arthur and Merlin about the history of America. What begins as a semi-intriguing sci-fi comedy gets weighed down by the setting of the book, Mark Twains "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court", wherein the adaptation value of a modern man in Arthurian England being mistaken for a wizard, the best aspect of the novel, is all but lost within silly swordplay and meandering, unfunny hijinks. Overall this is a Disney dud.

SHOWGIRLS

title: SHOWGIRLS

year: 1995

cast: Elizabeth Berkley, Gina Gershon

normal movie rating: *

bad movie rating: *****

One of the greatest bad movies ever made, this was directed by a bigwig and written by another bigwig (who previously teamed up for "Basic Instinct") and was supposed to be a blockbuster of epic proportions and turned out to be the biggest bomb on the planet, but since has gained a "Springtime for Hitler" like adoration and a gaggle of rabid fans for which I am one. Movie starts out with a tall girl who resembles an ostrich (or llama... or both) who gets picked up by an Elvis impersonator in a raised truck. They go to Vegas and within minutes he steals her stuff, leaving her in Sin City where she promptly meets a black girl who will become her own personal Laverne... or Shirley. Then she gets a job at a dive strip club and not long after becomes a... yep... showgirl in a big-time musical-striptease perhaps even cornier than "Satan's Alley" from STAYING ALIVE. The nudity's about as sexual as an issue of National Geographic; purposely proving that naked girls in a Vegas stripshow are par for the course (and who can argue?). The acting (especially by Berkley) is unintentionally hilarious and the plot is so vapid one can't NOT realize the truly miraculous marvel that is SHOWGIRLS.

FREEJACK

year: 1991

cast: Emilio Estevez, Mick Jagger, Anthony Hopkins, Rene Russo, Jonathan Banks

rating: ***

Mick Jagger's aware-of-the-camera acting leaves something to be desired in a pretty undesirable but guilty-pleasurable sci-fi future film centering on a city where big corporations rule over ragged bums (no middle class, as is usual with Hollywood sci-fi). Emilio Estevez, as a race car driver brought into the future (as a "freejack") to be used in a body-changing experiment, is in his usual cruise control mode. Mick's character is more fun, and for an antagonist, pretty cool. But as far as great actors go, Anthony Hopkins collects a paycheck as the dying millionaire who wants Estevez's body (don't get the wrong idea) and Rene Russo struts with her big chin in the air, as usual. There's plenty of stupid action and dated nineties almost-CGI special effects for ninety minutes. And Jonathan Banks is always good as a villain. On the other hand, Amanda Plummer, as a foul-mouthed nun, will make you want to punch your television screen. This is one of those theatrical films that seems like a made-for-cable movie, and for that, it's not too shabby. That is, if you dig that kinda thing.

LAND OF THE LOST (2009)

year: 2009

cast: Will Ferrell

rating: *1/2

In most cases when Hollywood revamps an old TV show and turns it into a film, it seems the stars of the film are intruding upon the show's template but trying to keep the basic plot intact while altering things for their particular style. In this case the (side) character's of the classic Sid and Mart Krofft's LAND OF THE LOST are intruding upon a really bad Will Farrell science-fiction action comedy mess... and don't seem too happy about it. Enik The Altrusion, Grumpy the Dinosaur, the Sleestaks, and Chaka seem like prisoners conforming to Farrell and his two co-stars raunchy hijinks, which are as funny as lung cancer (Ferrell delivers a few lines well, but has nothing to do with the storyline being funny... it's just him). The action is pretty much non-stop like a person with nothing to say never shuts up. And the CGI looks like a cartoon. JURASSIC SOUTH PARK would be a more fitting title (no offense to either). Well the good thing is, the film bombed, big time. Let's hope Hollywood learns that we Generation Xers love our old shows (no matter how corny they were) and would rather celebrate than parody (i.e. ruin) them. Get your hands off our childhood you unoriginal bastards, and start thinking up new ideas that can be demolished in thirty years by someone else. Then again, nothing in the last ten years would probably merit a remake. So I guess that explains all the remakes.

FROGS

title: FROGS

year: 1973

cast: Ray Milland, Joan Van Ark, Adam Rourke, Sam Elliott, Lynn Borden, Judy Pace

rating: ***1/2

It's kind of a misleading title as the FROGS are the instigative generals who only attack at the end. REPTILES would be more fitting as it embodies snakes, lizards, gators... and, yes, the frogs... who are surrounding a big mansion in New Orleans owned by a rich industrialist (Ray Milland) who's bad to the environment, making a lot of noise and pissing off his family who can't sleep. Sam Elliott is a "green" photographer who happens upon the bratty clan who all eventually get picked off one after the other during a holiday family gathering. Adam Rourke is a standout as Milland's playboy son, as is Lynn Borden as his beautiful, but aging, primadonna wife. This is actually a very well photographed film (with amazing natural shots) with a Tenessee Williams aura and not a cheesy B-movie as the title (and poster) implies. Overall it's quite RIBBITING!

MRS. COLUMBO (TV)

title: MRS. COLUMBO

year: 1979-1980

cast: Kate Mulgrew

rating: **

Well no wonder Lt. Columbo (Peter Falk) would always talk about his wife; she was a pretty twenty-five year old woman, not an Italian gal in her forties like most fans imagined. Casting Kate Mulgrew as Columbo's wife was ludicrous and after a while the title was changed to "Kate The Detective". So I'll review that show, since "Mr. Columbo" was always on a case and never at home anyway (Falk had nothing to do with this show that came out a year after "Columbo" went off the air) while Kate raises a young daughter and solves murders, working as a journalist in one of those free newspapers you see outside supermarkets. Kate doesn't badger her culprits while acting the fool like her hubby; instead she charms and coddles them into submission. The same device of the audience seeing the murder in the first ten minutes is continued but doesn't mean much since there's really no trick to her solving crimes other than being smart, curious, and somewhat creative. Kate Mulgrew's acting is good though, and perhaps if the show began as "Kate The Detective", keeping everything EXCEPT the fact she's supposedly married to a fifty year old man who resembles a dirty sock, it might have had a chance. Then again...

THE DOORS: OTHER VOICES (album)

band: THE DOORS

title: OTHER VOICES

year: 1971

rating: ***1/2

An underrated album, the first (and best) of two that came out after Jim Morrison took a permenent vacation to Paris. The first track EYE OF THE SUN sounds like LET IT ROCK by Chuck Berry but with more "spaceage" lyrics, and has some nifty slide guitar; Ray sings in his husky bluesy black man voice, and it opens up the album with a subtle charge. Track 2: "Variety is the Spice of Life", Robby's nasally voice leading a purposely goofy party-tune. My favorite track follows, "Ships W/ Sails", a Samba "Riders of the Storm" with flowing (sailing) guitars and hypnotic organ throughout; Ray's vocals mixed with Robby's is good yet the lyrics get a little corny ("Well, you asked how much I love you... Why do ships with sails love the wind?"): but the spontaneous jamming wins things over. "Tightrope Ride" shows Ray's vocal range and is one of the more rocking tracks. Side Two fares decently with "Down on the Farm", the album's ballad; "I'm Horny I'm Stoned", the slightly better, more catchy sequel to "Variety is the Spice of Life"; Robbie again having a musical freewheeling party with awesome leads and some honky tonk bar-room piano liken to "You Make Me Real". "Wandering Musician" is the album's clunker, going absolutely nowhere and very slowly at that. And we end with "Hang On To Your Life", which is most likely about Jim Morrison... what he didn't do... the tune leading with an African Rhythmic vibe and some really neat guitar licks join in (a poor man's "Sympthay for the Devil", but sounding great). Basically this is The Doors Lounge Lizard album - something you'd hear in a hotel bar in the Bahamas... but with a good tall drink. It doesn't live up to even the worst Morrison-Doors tracks (which there aren't many), but it's a fun ride overall. And quite a curio.

RETURN FROM WITCH MOUNTAIN

year: 1978

cast: Kim Richards, Ike Eisenmann, Bette Davis

rating: ***1/2

The original, ESCAPE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN, centered too much on Eddie Albert, his RV, and the villain and not enough of the kids. I realize the kids were the stars but it didn't seem as much their movie as this sequel in which the alien brother and sister take a visit to L.A. and things go wrong really quick. The boy is kidnapped and brainwashed by evil Christopher Lee, his henchman Anthony James, and Lee's seemingly-bad counterpart Bette Davis (who turns good later on). The girl escapes and joins a gang of ten year old street urchins and they plan to rescue the brother. Good versus evil is a lot funner this time around since there are more kids involved. I also enjoyed the climax pitting brother and sister against each other. Chalk this up as another example where the sequel trumps the original. At least for me.

SIX PACK

title: SIX PACK

year: 1982

cast: Kenny Rogers, Diane Lane, Erin Gray, Anthony Michael Hall, Terry Kiser, Barry Corbin

rating: **

When people think of acting it's usually how a performer speaks his or her lines. But acting is just as physical as verbal. How a person walks, runs, sits, stares in repose/reflection, is just as important as line delivery, and Kenny Rogers does it all horribly. Witnessing a fat Kenny (with an always perfectly combed shaggy dog beard) playing a car racer who every woman on earth is nuts about (including Erin Gray) hanging out with a bunch of orphaned freewheeling car thief kids (including Diane Lane and Anthony Michael Hall) is as entertaining for bad movie fans as a bad movie gets. Just sit and stare at Mr. Rogers, who fully realizes there is a camera pointing at him, and you will be thoroughly entertained on a level impossible to explain till you experience it for yourself. For those who live for cinematic torture, I recomend this highly.

SUPERDAD

title: SUPERDAD

year: 1972

cast: Bob Crane, Kurt Russell, Bruno Kirby, Ed Begley Jr.

rating: *1/2

Creepy. The intro has Bob Crane (famous for the title role in "Hogans Heroes" and his sex video hobby that eventually led to his murder) running around on a beach with his teenage daughter, and his daughter is telling him that he, her dad, is the only man for her... or something just as sickening. Bob tries winning her, and her childhood-friend-turned-boyfriend (Kurt Russell), and all their beachy pals (including Bruno Kirby and Ed Begley Jr.) over by surfing and waterskiing and partying and basically being a "cool hip dad". Bob, looking more like Porky Pig than Hogan, eventually cross-country stalks his daughter who's gone off to college, making sure no man gets near her. And eventually battles an evil San Fransico Beatnik she's taken up with — thus proving he's really a super dad afterall. Creepy.

THE CAT FROM OUTER SPACE

title: THE CAT FROM OUTER SPACE

year: 1978

cast: Ken Berry

rating: ***

Domestic cats seem like they're from outer space to begin with; with their haughty mannerisms alone they're merely looking down on we mortal humans. So having a cat be from a more intellegent highly developed planet isn't much of a stretch. The tabby cat hero in this averagely entertaining live-action seventies Disney film merely has to act like a cat, and with the aid of a collar full of lights that glow when it's allowing humans to fly or horses to win races, it's totally believeable that this creature is better than us. For the most part the cat, Jake (voiced by Ronnie Schell), is better than the film itself, which isn't too bad but kind of meanders along at times; the first half set-up as the cat adapts to Earth, helps his friends bet horses and win a pool match against mobsters fares better than the last part outwitting government agents. Ken Berry does a decent job replacing the usual Disney staple Dean Jones (Berry is to Jones what Buddy Ebson is to Eddie Albert). It's interesting seeing both M*A*S*H colonels McClean Stevenson and Harry Morgan in a film together. And Jake's spaceship, which looks like the head of an space alien grasshopper, is kinda cool lookin'... at least from the outside.

THE HUEY WILLIAMS STORY (book)

title: THE HUEY WILLIAMS STORY

author: Andy Kaufman

rating: *****

This is a pseudo-autographical novel written by the late comic/actor/performer Andy Kaufman from 1977 to 1983. Most of the book centers on a young Huey's adventures climbing a mystical mountain at an amusement park and the further up he goes, the more adventures he finds himself involved in - basically it's a journey into "other lands", very dreamlike in its nature. The story will then go back and forth to Huey growing up "on earth" (i.e. in reality) and eventually becoming a comedian and actor. When things get too normal we return to the mountain: back into dreamland again (although it's never said to be an actual dream; and the "normal" story's character learns from the mountain experiences). The writing flows beautifully and the book even keeps in grammer and spelling mistakes just as Kaufman typed it. The story concludes suddenly with a description of a random building in New York; Kaufman was in the midst of the disease that would kill him and obviously couldn't continue (there are dates, like in journal entries, before each "chapter", and this last segment ends only months before his death). The first couple chapters before Huey climbs the mountain - centering on he and his kindergarten pals wandering the neighborhood and being chased by tract bullies - is as realistic and involving as any coming-of-age prose I've read. It's a shame that this story, and HIS story, had to end so soon.

KRIEGER/MANZEREK (concert)

artists: ROBBY KRIEGER/RAY MANZEREK OF "THE DOORS"
date: October 9th/2009

venue: The Grove, Anaheim

rating: *****

I don't think Jim Morrison, the singer, is overrated. As a singer I think he's underrated. As a sex symbol - his shirtless image outshining the other members of THE DOORS on posters, books, etc., he's overrated... either that or guitarist Robby Krieger, organist Ray Manzerek and drummer John Densmore are underrated, not only as musicians but as members of this iconic band. Well I got a chance to see two outta three: Robby and Ray... and now it's confirmed - not only is their part in THE DOORS legacy just as important as Morrison but they can still play... INCREDIBLY. The bassist and drummer were good (as expected), and the "replacement singer" had a nasally voice and looked more like Horseshack from "Welcome Back Kotter" than The Lizard King, but this was okay (and perhaps intentional)... he wasn't trying to replace Morrison but was simply carrying the vocals so Robby and Ray could do their stuff. The peak of the set was Krieger's unbelievable five minute flamenco guitar solo, which then lead to an awesome "Spanish Caravan". Ray took the role as MC, talking between songs (sounding like the plant in the eighties film version of "Little Shop of Horrors") and sometimes even during them; instigating people to get high during "Break On Through" and to revive the Summer of Love in 2010 before "Light My Fire": which, he reminded the audience at least five times, was written entirely by Krieger. Both R's look pretty aged (Ray with spiky gray hair and Robby looking more like "Seafelt" from "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" than his former "twin", comic Steven Wright) but both still have the same stage presence and haven't slowed down as performers: Ray the concentrative crouching praying mantis over the keys while Robby paints wonderfully weaving pictures with his Gibson SG (many of them actually). "When The Music's Over" was a highlight, carrying a ton of lighting bolt/thunder clap intensity; "The Changeling" was a sweet surprise; "The Soft Parade" was perhaps the only "bathroom song" (the singer forgetting some of the lyrics); "Back Door Man", "Break On Through", "Waiting for the Sun", "Peace Frog", "Blue Sunday" and "L.A. Woman" were wonderfully tight and colorful; while "Love Me Two Times", "Love Her Madly", "Touch Me" and "Light My Fire" were passable... but still quite a treat. Bummer they didn't do "Riders On The Storm" or "Roadhouse Blues" (both were on the set-list, which was stolen from the stage by a friend of mine SECONDS after the band left the stage)... but overall it was an incredible show.

THE WILD BUNCH

title: THE WILD BUNCH

year: 1969

rating: ***

The first half hour thrusts you into a really cool place you don't return to again. This was a purposefully anti-Western agenda: putting what would usually be a climax up front... but things seem to meander for most of the film, especially when the Bunch goes to Mexico and loses their youngest member in a death scene that nearly lasts an hour (or at least feels that way). Warren Oates and Ben Johnson, two of my favorite actors, act like Heckle and Jeckle in some scenes. William Holden holds things together dependably. And Ernest Borgnine is... Ernest Borgnine. But my favorite character is Bo Hopkins, who plays a rogue lunatic that only lasts through the opening (seen in intense flashbacks). I wish his character would have remained throughout. This Bunch needed more Wild, and he epitomized that perfectly.

BRING ME THE HEAD OF ALFREDO GARCIA

year: 1974

cast: Warren Oates, Isela Vega

writer/director: Sam Peckinpah

rating: ****1/2

The bizarre journey of a loser and his guitar-playing heart-of-gold whore girlfriend, driving across Mexico to cut off the head of a (dead and buried) gigolo named Alfredo Garcia and return it for money, is offbeat like a bum is untidy. Everything makes its own sense and there's a lotta neat violence, slow-motion deaths, and best of all, Warren Oates, giving the performance of a lifetime. Isela Vega is the epitome of a supportive role, and while this isn't Sam Peckinpah's best film, through all the tortrous insanity it definitely FEELS like his most personal.

JUNIOR BONNER

year: 1972

rating: ***

It's The Getaway team Sam Peckinpah/Steve McQueen in sleep mode. Not too bad but doesn't seem fitting to either the director or star. And gets a little too preachy about the haves and the have-nots, distracting what could have been a lean, clean character-study. Junior Bonner (McQueen), a bronco/bull rider, returns to his hometown for a competition and gets back in touch with his has-been father (Robert Preston), his put-upon mother (Ida Lupino), and his materialistic entrepeneur brother (Joe Don Baker) who's basically turning the small town into a real estate goldmine... for himself. Robert Preston's acting style (he always seems ready to break into song) fits more on stage than a "modern" film and distracts from McQueen's slowburn cool. Things are more interesting while centering on the bull riders as opposed to the family. Nothing really clicks when combining these two storylines, but the images, like any Peckinpah movie, are quite good: including Peck's slow-motion signature shots but without any deaths this time around.

PARADISE ALLEY

year: 1978

cast: Sylvester Stallone, Armand Assante, Kevin Conway

writer/director: Sylvester Stallone

rating: **

A movie that begins with a song sung by Sylvester Stallone has to be good... for something. If not simply for laughs. This is Sly's followup to ROCKY and has the feel of a film noir comic book and the dialogue of a pulpy dime novel. Sly plays a fast-talking role he'd have written for Burt Young or a more versitile character-actor, but doesn't do too bad a job... his acting is better than his directing herein. Plot centers on three brother (named in order up top): the main one a flaky rogue; one a crooked thug; one a very large, dumb lovable oaf... and there's barroom wrestling. It's no surprise which brother manages, which one wants all the money, and which one wrestles? Well Sly's not the fighter this time, and Armand Assante is both big brother and semi-antagonist (Funhouse star Kevin Conway the main heavy). This was Stallone's sophmore jinx after ROCKY rocketed him to stardom. The film has heart, but is, overall, a pointless mess.

CANNONBALL

title: CANNONBALL

year: 1976

cast: David Carradine, Belinda Balaski, Robert Carradine, Bill McKinney, Sylvester Stallone, Martin Scorsese, Dick Miller

director: Paul Bartel

rating: ****

Not as beloved as Roger Corman's "Deathrace 2000", the car-race film also starring David Carradine and directed by Paul Bartel, but is, in its own way, better. No funny-violent sideplot here, just a straight-out cross-country race based on the real life (and very illegal) Cannonball Run; yes, the same one Burt Reynolds and Hal Needham would take on a few years later... but this is more raw, rough and ragged. Each group has their own quirks and motivations, allowing the viewer to care about the outcome and feel part of the action, which is pretty much non-stop. Sylvester Stallone, who played Carradine's arch-enemy in "Deathrace 2000", makes a cameo as a mobster (along with Martin Scorsese).

PRESCRIPTION: MURDER

title: PRESCRIPTION: MURDER

year: 1968

cast: Peter Falk, Gene Barry

rating: ***

Columbus discovered America, and I've discovered Columbo, one of the best crime shows ever made. The perfect murder almost pulled-off by usually high class high brow society members thwrated by the epitome of "the little guy": a sloppy glass-eyed remora cop who eventually gets his man or woman by slowly figuring out what we, the audience, already know by sticking to them like crazy glue: each episode beginning with a creative homocide - the audience sees who the killer is and it's up to Columbo to figure things out from there. That was the series that came out in 1971, but this, the 1968 TV movie, not even called COLUMBO: PERSCRIPTION FOR MUDER but simply PERSCRIPTION FOR MURDER, isn't that great because, for one, Falk hadn't completely found the character yet. He only wears his trademark trenchcoat (the reverse superman cape) halfway through the episode, in the beginning donning a somewhat nifty suit. He's not clumsy and unassuming but precise, clean-shaven with a neat short haircut, not looking much different than the classy psychiatrist he's out to bust for killing his wife: aided by his lover, a beautiful actress. Columbo is more of a snarky tough guy than an accidental, neurotic genius here... although he does underrate himself somewhat and badgers people - only it's not as fun or entertaining. The third episode (actually, the second episode, not including this movie which ISN'T a pilot) MURDER BY THE BOOK (1971), directed by Steven Speilberg, REALLY gets the ball rolling. And it's all uphill from there. "Oh, and one more thing..."

DRESSED TO KILL

year: 1980

cast: Angie Dickinson, Keith Gordon, Michael Caine, Nancy Allen

writer/director: Brian DePalma

rating: ****

The best part of a symphony, often unheard on a record or CD, is the orchestra tuning: that strange, hypnotic sound that exists for a short time - which then becomes something wonderful. This film builds to a wonderful symphony but without losing the eerie embryonic "tuning-up" that formed it. The plot and direction owes a great deal to Hitchcock's PSYHCO. The main character ... so it seems... is a troubled middle-aged woman (Angie Dickinson) who, right as we're getting into her dilemma/story-line, is suddenly butchered by a "female-like-person" (Michael Caine), actualy a man who acts normal but - it turns out - is a murderous cross-dresser. Nancy Allen (as a hooker/witness) and Keith Gordon (the brainy son of Dickinsen) are the Vera Miles and John Gavin who carry the film the rest of the way. We even get a psychiatrist's explanation liken to the one delivered by Simon Oakland; not one but TWO shower scenes; and what's missing with Martin Balsam's pesty investigator we get in grumpy police sergeant Dennis Franz (who doesn't fall backwards down a stairway). This is proof that remakes can be done-away-with entirely by taking the basic storyline of a classic film and morphing it into something completely original. I guess that's not an easy feat - which is why they'll probably remake this one day.

THE BUNKER

title: THE BUNKER

year: 1981

cast: Anthony Hopkins, Richard Jordan, James Naughton

rating: **

Too much emphasis on making Anthony Hopkins LOOK like the infamous German dictator while his acting is either too little or too much: mellow one minute, over-the-top the next. The mellow Hitler seems constrained by the make-up while the screaming Hitler is trying to break out of it. Richard Jordan as Hitler's faithless confidant keeps some kind of balance going on, but not enough. Hopkins as Hitler fares better in a photograph than a performance.

OUT TO SEA

title: OUT TO SEA

year: 1997

cast: Walter Mathau, Jack Lemmon, Hal Linden, Brent Spiner

rating: ***1/2

Nifty follow-up (not sequel) to GRUMPY OLD MEN with the dynamic-duo Walter Mathau and Jack Lemmon playing, you got it, old codgers, this time posing as employed dance-partners on a cruise ship for wealthy old lady passengers: a sort of tricky Three's Company style of "don't get caught" ruse comedy. Mathau's character is an endearing gambling slob and Lemmon is a shy, passive neat-nick... sound familiar? There's a few runaround cons involving poor folks pretending to be rich then realizing they don't need money for love. The trickery and hijinks will keep you mildly entertained, which is all this movie asks for. The scene-stealer, though, is jerky antagonist Brent Spiner as their boss, seeming a cross between Peter Sellers and a human rodent.

HEARTS IN ATLANTIS

title: HEARTS IN ATLANTIS

year: 2003

cast: Anthony Hopkins, David Morse

rating: **

I could have sworn that Anthony Hopkins was supposed to be the kid as an old man who went back in time to help the kid (a younger version of himself) cope with life and to score with the little girl who ends up dying in the middle storyline wherein David Morse is ACTUALLY the kid grown up and looks exactly like a young Anthony Hopkins. Are you confused? Not as much as I was watching this movie. It begins with David Morse (in the present time) going to a funeral for one friend and then finding out another has also died. Then he visits his dilapidated house and remembers when he was young - in the late sixties - living with a bitchy single mother and an old lodger, played by Hopkins, who helps him with... I think I already covered this part but... This is really just a mediocre coming-of-age tale; a "Stand By Me" (also by Stephen King) but without any purpose. I'm still not sure what happened or what I just wrote about it.

KILL BILL DIARY (BOOK)

title: KILL BILL DIARY

year: 2005

author: David Carradine

rating: ****1/2

David Carradine obviously had a few demons in his life, but none appear in this uplifting and somewhat purposely lightweight book chronicling his work on Quentin Tarantino's KILL BILL. The journal/journey begins as Tarantino has a falling out with Warren Beatty, originally cast in the role given to Carradine (Quentin then changed the Bill character from a suave James Bond-turned-bad to a tough-as-nails flute-playing rogue). There's a lot of what some would call "ass-kissing" about Tarantino, but this is understandable as David's career wasn't exactly tops... he'd been on a long, slow decline since "Bound For Glory" in 1976 which came right after his groundbreaking stint on the iconic TV show "Kung Fu". But Carradine doesn't put himself down too much: in his perspective this comeback was long overdue. In his opinion, he and Tarantino working together is more synergy than charity (which I totally agree). He writes non-fiction like others write prose; precise, interesting, and completely involving. For fans of KILL BILL, this is a plus. You get to experience all David's scenes (and then some others that he witnessed) but without any gossip - just the facts about what he went through for a rather greuling shoot going from China to L.A. The only drawbacks are about ten pages (scattered throughout) written by the fat goofy self-absorbed founder of aintitcool.com and his perspective/teasers (which only really mattered before the film came out). The book has everything, including dabs of David's existential philosophies (often comparing the Bill Murray film "Groundhog Day" to Zen Buddism... strange but cool), a sprinkle of politics (bashing Bush and then giving Reagan full credit for ending the cold war), and tons of romance: some centered on his wife Annie; some on fellow KB cast members (Uma Thurman, Vivica Fox, Daryl Hannah); but mostly on Tarantino, whom, at one point, he considers a superhero sent to earth to free the world... no joke. Carradine is such a good writer you don't feel as if you're reading, but rather, like you're hanging out with someone's really cool hippie dad.

RED LINE 7000

title: RED LINE 7000

year: 1965

cast: James Caan

director: Howard Hawks

rating: ****

The greatest banal film ever made. I enjoyed every damn minute of it. It's dated, it's silly, and it's awesome. Cutting back and forth from stock car racing shots (never sure who's in the lead) to the "behind-the-scenes" dramas as the fickle, egotistical racers play upon a bevy of gorgeous, and troubled, female admirers. The funny thing is, you actually get into the life of these guys (and gals) more than most of the big-budget car race flicks made since. Howard Hawks does a whole lot with very little (no surprise!). And James Caan is a treat in a very natural performance, so laid-back you forget he's in an "old movie": reminiscent of the non-acting-acting style of Marlon Brando (who would be his "(god)father" a few years later). Terrific, unpretentious fun, worthy of its endearing cult status. And I realize that most women are beautiful in movies - which is WHY they're in movies - but these girls are SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY.

THE ODD COUPLE 2

year: 1996

rating: *

The sound of a trumpet played by a pro: rich, vibrant, and beautiful. The sound of the trumpet's mouthpiece, no matter who's playing it, sounds like a... raspberry. That's exactly what this film, the sequel to the symbolic "trumpet" THE ODD COUPLE, is. Plot has Felix Unger (Lemmon) and Oscar Madison (Matthau) on a car trip to the wedding of Oscar's son and Felix's wife. Neil Simon throws in all the road-comedy cliche and then some - basically everything you saw in TRAINS, PLANES AND AUTOMOBILES but without the humor. Well there's humor but it isn't funny. The main problem is, Felix isn't really a futz and Oscar isn't really a slob... or maybe we just can't tell because they're on the road overcoming "obstacles" instead of living together. The duo are hardly at ODDS because they're in the same boat (car) and have to rely on each other: thus killing the premise of not getting along because of contrasting personalities. A better idea for a sequel would have been: Oscar and Felix living in a rural town spending idle time ice-fishing and then fall in love with a woman who... oops, that's been done (GRUMPY OLD MEN). Really though, all joking aside... this could very well be the worst sequel ever made.

THE REMAINS OF THE DAY

year: 1993

cast: Anthony Hopkins, Emma Thompson, Peter Vaughan, Christopher Reeve

rating: ***

There's a funny/clever scene in Kevin Smith's CLERKS as the characters are debating whether the construction workers of the second Death Star (in STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI) were in cahoots with the Empire. After all, one guy points out, they're just hired labour. Does the same thing go for the butler of a Nazi sympathizer? He's just working there, right? This is an interesting film for about twenty-five minutes as we see the inner workings of the "help" in a British Mansion owned by Lord Darlington (James Fox), who, we learn - as the film progresses - is in cahoots with the Nazis (he wants England to deal with Germany on their terms, not fight them on England's). Anthony Hopkins, as the main character, plays the butler who remains (get it?) at Darlington's service no matter what kind of pro-German/anti-Jewish conversations arise during lunch or dinner. He's there to work, not pay attention. The audience isn't that lucky, having to be thrust into politics instead of learning more about the people the film is supposed to be about: how they work, what their lives are like - their ups, downs, and arounds. This entire pre-war main story is really a flashback - as the "present day" post-war story has Hopkins, now working for the mansion's new owner - an American dilpomat played by Christopher Reeve - going on a "vacation" to find Emma Thompson, who had worked alongside him. When they finally meet there's an awkward, dull conversation about the grand years before Lord Darlington sided with the Nazis... the only problem for the audience is: we didn't get to live in that world very long before the Nazi subplot, which much too quickly becomes the main plot, took over. The good old days meant very little since we only got a glimpse; and what REMAINS, as it were, are two characters remembering more than the audience ever got to experience.

WHITE LINE FEVER

title: WHITE LINE FEVER

year: 1975

cast: Jan-Michael Vincent

director: Jonathan Kaplan

rating: **

If only someone whispered into director Jonathan Kaplan's ear "Lighten up buddy" while making this preachy film about the plight of independent truckers, all who have chips on their shoulders bigger than a... mack truck. Within ten minutes I was rooting for the bad guys. At least they were smiling.

DAREDEVIL

title: DAREDEVIL

year: 2003

cast: Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner, David Keith, Colin Farrell, Jon Farvareu

rating: *

Tell me Ben Affleck is a superhero, okay... I'll buy it because I have to. Tell me Ben Affleck is blind with powers to hear what no man can see and can fight villains using this ultra-sensory... okay, I'll buy that too. But tell me that Ben Affleck was raised by a brawling ex boxer father in Hell's Kitchen, New York, and had to fight to survive and I'll throw a pie in your face. So by the time you're reading this you've cleaned off the pie but I don't have much to say about this disaster of a film based on the legendary Marvel superhero, one of the most creative superheroes ever. We get SOME backstory of Daredevil as a kid and how he got blind, but nothing about how he become a lawyer and the beginnings of his crime fighting. He meets Electra after a few really lame scenes involving he and smartass buddy Jon Farvareu discussing pop culture... Daredevil (Matt) and Electra don't hit it off; then fight each other in what seems like an MTV dance contest (the entire film has an MTV video feel, and is dizzying at that)... and the next scene DD and Electra are an item. Then they're misunderstanding each other. And Colin Farrell is to villains what the Village People were to music; no offense to the Village People: at least their songs are memorable. This is a horrible, disjointed review of a horrible, disjointed... you get the idea.

HOUSE CALLS

title: HOUSE CALLS

year: 1978

cast: Walter Matthau

rating: ***

The main character, a newly widowed doctor whom every woman in town, young and old alike, is crazy about, must have been originally written with someone else in mind. Burt Reynolds perhaps. Walter Matthau, who looks a cross between Richard Nixon and Fred Flintstone, is the gigalo doc who makes a lot of money (perhaps this is the reason he's a chick-magnet: doctors were like rock stars in the seventies) and after shagging a bevy of young hotties meets a cold old sickle of a gal, british Glenda Jackson, who, despite spells of forced-smiles makes Nurse Ratched seem like Lambchop - and they have a romance that works despite itself (Bill and Hillary, anyone?). That is, until Matthau comprises their trust and has to win her back at the end. This is a decent romantic comedy made during a time when looks didn't matter, only story-line: the basic plot centering on a grade-b hospital run by senile Art Carney, while Matthau and fellow doctor Richard Benjamin try their best to keep it going... with the love story providing the base. You'll be entertained once you get past the fact Matthau is impersonating Cary Grant from the forties, somehow. Love is blind; as were most romantic comedies from the seventies: era of the "sensitive guy meets the hardened feminist with the heart of gold."

THE BEDROOM WINDOW

year: 1987

cast: Steve Guttenberg

rating: **1/2

A man, Steve Guttenberg (not too bad in a serious role), and his boss's wife, Isabelle Huppert, have sex in his apartment. Later in the night, Huppert, looking outside the BEDROOM WINDOW, witnesses a man beating a woman (Elizebeth McGovern): basically trying to kill her. Huppert screams and the man runs off; McGovern is aided by some neighbors and lives. Here's the rope: If Huppert goes to the police as a witness, her husband will find out she was at Guttenberg's pad. So we cut to the next day: the newspapers report another woman who was killed - and Guttenberg and Huppert realize it was the man who got away... and decide that Guttenberg should be the witness (even though he was in the bathroom at the time). Things flow neatly for a while as Guttenberg (with Huppert in the shadows) continues the ruse. But eventually the police realize (through a nifty courtroom scene involving Wallace Shawn as a defense attorney) that Guttenberg has lied... and, still trying to cover for Huppert - even though the cops think he might have committed the crime - with the aid of Elizabeth McGovern tries clearing his name, i.e. he MUST catch the killer before he's locked up. This is where the film, straying from its original and surprisingly clever premise, turns into a wrongfully-accused run-of-the-mill actioneer. A scene involving Guttenberg and Huppert talking in an aquarium is an obvious NOD to Orson Welle's THE LADY FROM SHANGHAI (perhaps director Curtis Hansen's way of distracting us from the main influence: Alfred Hitchcock). In fact the whole piece has a film noir flavor, but the flavor only lasts while the initial plot runs its course, after which we're left scrambling desperately for an end.

THE BOYS FROM BRAZIL

year: 1978
cast: Lawrence Olivier, James Mason, Gregory Peck, Steve Guttenberg, Jeremy Black

rating: ***1/2

Decent thriller about "modern" Nazis (in the seventies) hiding out in South America with a plan to kill a string of civil servants all within the age-range of 61 to 65. The mystery builds till we learn that pre-teen clones of Adolf Hitler exist and their fathers are the targets: Hitler lost his father, a civil servant, at a young age and the children will experience the same loss. But before the clones are discovered things builds nicely with over-the-top but eventually bearable acting by Lawerence Olivier as a semi-retired Nazi Hunter brought back on a tip from a creative upstart Steve Guttenberg, who's eventually the kind of "Janet Leigh in PSYCHO" initially important character killed by Nazi scientist Joseph Mengella played by Gregory Peck. From Guttenberg's lead... he calls Olivier right before he dies and tells him about the plot... Olivier visits the houses of the deceased men's widows and notices the cloned children: all artistic, black haired, blue eyed brats... the only thing missing are little mustaches. Once we learn the spoiler the film quickly ends, a good thing because the build-up is everything. Apt direction keeps the pulse on a steady beat throughout. A thriller wherein the body count aspect, who dies when and how, works best. And though Gregory Peck's performance was maligned from the film's opening to this day, he's not bad at all. He was hammy in MOBY DICK but keeps his cool here... for most of the time. 

JAWS

title: JAWS

year: 1975

cast: Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss, Robert Shaw, Lorraine Gary, Murray Hamilton, Jeffrey Kramer

director: Steven Speilberg

rating: *****

Okay fine, I'll admit it: the shark looks fake... but - the situation is real. Or seems so real the fake-looking shark doesn't matter. And we don't see the plastic beast till later on: and which point we're hooked. There's not much to say about a perfect movie except this one does what no other horror/thriller has before, giving us two separate films: the first a "monster movie" with the monster mostly unseen gulping up victims; second a deep sea adventure straight out of Melville. Both stories coincide using a hand-off method of characterization. Starting out with Roy Scheider as Brody, the new sheriff of the island beach town Amity; then adding Richard Dreyfuss as Hooper, a young shark expert helping Brody solve the "mystery" (what kind of shark is it and was the right one killed?). Then the best character is saved for last (although he's introduced earlier with a classic speech, his real part comes later)... Enter Robert Shaw, all but stealing the show as Quint, a salty dog who, it turns out, survived the U.S.S. Indianapolis in World War 2... he's gonna help Brody and Hooper kill the shark deep at sea on his vessel THE ORCA, and unlike these two, Quint's objective is personal. The famous speech as Shaw recounts the Indianapolis story involving fellow sailers being eaten by sharks - not in the original Peter Benchley novel and conceived by director Speilberg then written by pal John Milius - is perhaps the greatest scene in film history. (And Shaw didn't even get nominated for an Oscar!) Murray Hamilton adds an excellent fourth tier as the mayor in denial; and Lorraine Gary as Scheider's faithful wife provides a steady anchor for our hero as he takes on something that wasn't in the job description. And least I forget Speilberg's sublime, ever-flowing direction, rolling off the screen like a visual symphony... speaking of which, would there even be a film without conductor John William's main theme and score (the same can be said of STAR WARS and RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK)? This is one of the best movies ever made, and that's no exaggeration. It's got everything and then some!

MURDER BY CONTRACT

year: 1957

cast: Vince Edwards

rating: **1/2

Metronomic character-study of a professional hitman is interesting at times, dull at others. Scenes with a calculating yet creative professional killer played by handsomely bulky Vince Edwards offing folks with hypnotic jazz (a baritone guitar version of THE THIRD MAN theme) in the background is quite a treat. Having proven his worth with clean, efficient hits he's given a big job in L.A. to terminate a woman who will appear in court, and has a couple days to do it. Two men, who work for the main crime boss, tag along and try figuring out how he works. Edwards takes his sweet time without preparation: hanging out on the beach, deep sea fishing and playing golf... and the two tagalongs don't quite understand his habits: and why he isn't getting the job over with. These two paper-tiger thugs seem to have been created to fill empty space with dialogue. If this were made twenty years later we'd probably go deeper into the killer's brain; instead, having been made in the fifties when there were limitations on anti-hero films, and this not being a paramount vehicle within the groundbreaking genre, we're left with what seems like half a movie.

TWO-LANE BLACKTOP

year: 1971

cast: James Taylor, Dennis Wilson, Warren Oates

director: Monte Hellman

rating: ****1/2

James Taylor and Dennis Wilson's non-acting doesn't matter as they're part of the car and feel as the car feels on a first-person i.e. first-vehicle narrative through America. To counter-balance the purposeful non-acting there's legendary Warren Oates, providing not only the baseline but acting as both catylist and antagonist as two cars: the Chevy (Taylor, Wilson) and the GTO (Oates) "race" cross country for pink slips; stopping along the way in various small towns for local races. Laurie Bird is a pretty, dim-bulb hitchiker whose acting's on par with Wilson more than Taylor; yet if real actors sat in Taylor, Wilson, or Bird's seats perhaps the documentary real-life aura would be gone. What we have is an ueber-realistic, organically textured, subtly spellbinding journey with one basic (if primal) objective: to keep moving.

AMERICANA

alt title: AROUND

year made: 1973 year released: 1983

cast: David Carradine, Babara Hershey

producer/director: David Carradine

rating: ***1/2

Beautiful low-budget film about an ex military drifter played by KUNG FU drifter David Carradine who happens upon a small town with an abandoned merry-go-round (originally with a more aptly title ROUND) in an empty field, and how he goes about fixing it up and getting it working again. But it's no easy feat as he has to overcome more than manual labor to get the thing running, like the town sheriff and local bullies. The movie flows in a spontaneous nature and while some of the non-professional acting (other than the three leads) can be distracting at first, it's eventually overcome by the purposefully laidback aura: everything fitting into an uncontrived organic template about real life and real Americans.

BODY HEAT

year: 1981

rating: *1/2

Pointless light-porn film noir exercise written and directed by the usually capable Lawrence Kasden has a beautiful woman Kathleen Turner and her stud lawyer lover, William Hurt, planning to kill her rich husband, Richard Crenna. Sex and violence has something in common; if there's no reason for it, it seems downright silly on screen. There's a whole lotta silliness going on here as we weave back and forth from frothy sex scenes to plodding dialog. The small dusty town seems to have no air conditioners as everyone is hot and sweaty and miserable, as was I. Ted Danson as a flitting jewish lawyer (with a black hair piece), Mickey Rourke as a bomb expert who sings along with Bob Seger on the radio, and even Richard Crenna himself when he enters forty minutes in cannot save this overlong, tedious film.

OBSESSION

year: 1976

cast: Cliff Robertson

writer: Paul Schrader

director: Brian De Palma

rating: **

Weaving dreamlike maze with an over-dramatic musical score that makes anything and everything seem bigger than it really is. There are moments when you're drawn into the story but never long enough to care. Brian De Palma is doing his usual Hitchcock imitation and the camerawork is lovely, as are the sets, and the actors are good but the acting is just okay. The script is the problem. And the title's very misleading. Fits a perfume better than this movie.

THE SUNSHINE BOYS

title: THE SUNSHINE BOYS

year: 1975

cast: Walter Matthau, George Burns

writer: Neil Simon

director: Herbert Ross

rating: ***

Neil Simon stage play adaptation about two retired codgers who were once vaudeville performers with a chance to do one of their skits on a prime time variety show... if only they can get along long enough to do it. Walter Matthau is the grumpy lead whose acting is good but borders on a performance: at times you can tell he's acting. George Burns, playing his age, is the mellower of the two and the role fits him to a tee. Richard Benjiman, as Matthau's agent and nephew, does everything he can to get "Lewis and Clark" together for the show... it will help his career and perhaps give Matthau some dignity. But Matthau wants nothing to do with Burns and vice versa. By the time we see them auditioning and then performing their skit the film has pretty much run its course. Matthau's character is a little too neurotic and you just want him to go away. The skit involving a doctor (Matthau), a tax collector (Burns), and a busty blonde (Lee Meredith) seems like a mediocre SCTV bit and leaves the viewer wondering why they were popular in the first place. But Neil Simon's dialog flows neatly and the transition of stage play to film is well balanced by director Herbert Ross. And keep an eye out for F. Murray Abraham, years before he kills Mozart, as an edgy auto mechanic.

IN & OUT

title: IN & OUT

year: 1997

cast: Kevin Kline, Tom Selleck, Matt Dillon, Joan Cusack, William Duell

director: Frank Oz

rating: **

Matt Dillon's character, a straight actor playing a gay man in a war film, wins an Oscar and outs his teacher, Kevin Kline, who isn't aware he's gay; in fact he's about to get married to Joan Cusack. The first half is funny as Kline tries his best to prove against Dillon's theory; but the second half, after Kline comes out publicly, is pure Hollywood propaganda as it tries way too hard to dispose of small town prejudice: battling "homophobia" at every turn and and forgetting what it is... a light comedy.

$ (DOLLARS)

title: $ (DOLLARS)

year: 1971

cast: Warren Beatty, Goldie Hawn, Scott Brady, Robert Webber

writer/director: Richard Brooks

rating: *

Insufficient funds. I needed seasick pills from the endless running around. Nothing mattered, little connected, at least that I cared about. I couldn't even tell you the plot. Don't invest in this one.

THREE MEN AND A LITTLE LADY

years: 1990

cast: Tom Selleck, Nancy Travis,  Steve Guttenberg, Ted Danson

rating: ***

THREE MEN AND A LITTLE LADY has our bachelors are now full fledged fathers living with the woman (the British actress who was impregnated by Danson), and the "little lady": the child from the first film now five years old. The sequel is mostly centered on Selleck's character (who's hairdo looks like a toupee-Frisbee) secretly in love with Nancy Travis, the baby's mom... and all the stuff he and Guttenberg (Danson is out of country but joins them eventually) go through to stop her from marrying the wrong guy in England... a conceited director who's phony and not nice to the little lady. The sequel is almost as good as the original in its own way, although things are reversed: the first film is best during the first half, and the second film is best during the second half (in England). Selleck finally wins Nancy Travis and they marry... a good thing because no child should be raised by three men who paint their images in a penthouse lobby.

THE MAN WHO WOULD BE KING

title: The Man Who Would Be King

year: 1975

cast: Sean Connery, Michael Caine, Christopher Plummer

director: John Huston

rating: **1/2

What I assumed would be a "Lawrence of Arabia" meets "Wind and the Lion" turned out to be "Treasure of the Sierra Madre" meets "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels". I enjoyed the first half hour the most as Michael Caine and Sean Connery (as two con men) and Christopher Plummer (who plays writer Rudyard Kipling: literally vanishing into the role... I didn't even recognize him) are first introduced. Then when the adventure to seek a hidden city of gold where both men (Connery and Caine) could easily become wealthy kings begins (leaving Plummer behind), the movie hits a snag. They hike a formidable snow-covered mountain with four mules; then end up with one mule; then an avalanche falls; and then they find reach their destination. Sound easy? Well it was: MUCH TOO easy. (The scenery was gorgeous but looked, and seemed, like stock footage). When they reach the city... more of a wasteland... there's a few good scenes involving our daring-duo training the natives to fight (although many of the “foreign” actors are annoyingly hammy); then a fairly decent epic battle occurs where Sean Connery is shot in the chest with an arrow, which really hits his bandolier but the people think he's overcome death. And he becomes a god and then a king (or did I get that backwards?). Connery becomes enthralled in power and madness way too suddenly. This reminded me of Bogart going gold-loco in Huston’s masterpiece "Treasure of the Sierra Madre" but unlike that film, there's very little story arc from fortune-hunter to tyrant. After one argument about Connery's "new attitude", Connery quickly realizes he's gone a bit too far but still wants to remain in power –, the two make up, there's a "royal wedding", the people find out he's NOT a god when he bleeds, and, well, he basically becomes Wile E. Coyote without the help of ACME. Huston offers a beautiful film but I didn't feel INTO it. John Milius, who wrote and directed "The Wind and the Lion" (co-starring Huston), did a much better job with big sets, lots of sand, and Sean Connery. With that film I felt PART OF the adventure; here I was merely a witness.

DONNIE DARKO

title: DONNIE DARKO

year: 2001

cast: Jake Gyllenhaal, Patrick Swayze

rating: *

This is one of those "If you don't like it, you don't get it" movies. I don't get it, and I don't like it. So there! Well I figure, the Emo Generation needs to FEEL weird because life can be so damn ordinary. Then this will do them JUST FINE. (I realize many older non-Emos dug this flick, but allow me my indulgences... it's MY SITE!). Personally, I was bored silly. While it does go to STRANGE places the mundane aspects soar: the kids speak in cliche movie-talk and we get to know all about who the director wanted to win the Presidential election of 1988 (the "Lisa Simpson" sister reminds us SEVERAL TIMES who SHE'D vote for, and she's a lot cooler than that stupid uptight father, therefore...). The plot involves... shit, I'm still not sure. I just wish the ENTIRE airplane would have landed on the movie set before filming started, taking out the script to boot. And that dumb rabbit, meant to be "so silly it's SCARY!". Oh and Patrick Swayze (who died today) plays a motivational speaker hired by the stick-in-the-mud principle (or was she a secretary?) to speak to the kids. Swayze's character is SO shallow the main character has to INFORM the students (i.e. the audience) of his shallow absurdness, but did we really need to be REMINDED that a character who was created to suck, sucks? Okay, I'll admit, I'm out of touch. And I thank God on high. For a film to combine science-fiction with art-house depth and teenage angst, I at least should give it SOME credit. But I'm all out at the moment.

PLANET TERROR

title: PLANET TERROR

year: 2007

cast: Rose McGowan, Josh Brolin, Rose McGowan, Nicky Katt

writer/director: Robert Rodriguez

rating: ***1/2

The first (and only good) segment of the theatrical film GRINDHOUSE teaming Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino doing their own "cheap" horror films. Plot centers on a group of survivors during an outbreak brought back from Iraq. The military is at fault (like most "outbreak" films) not for preachy reasons but because it's a sendup of the zombie genre... yet it also stands on its own merits. The characters are fantastic; standouts being Josh Brolin as an evil doctor turned "sicko" and his beautiful, beaten, closet-lesbian doctor wife (Marley Shelton). You'll see a lot in the promotion with Rose McGowan as a stripper with a machine gun leg, but this happens in the last five minutes. Jeff Fahey is also quite good as a sloppy, tough cafe owner: a cross between Vic Tayback and Clint Eastwood; as is Michael Biehn as his sheriff brother. And Bruce Willis, Naveen Andrews ("Lost") and Quentin Tarantino make effective cameos. Writer/Director Rodriguez never lets up with action but still finds time for story, and the character-development is placed perfectly within all the running around, gun-fights, car chases, and killings. Bad sound, screen blotches, and missing reels are purposely added to cement the GRINDHOUSE experience (theaters that'd play several B movies in a row using cheap projectors). This makes little-to-no sense since it's a big budget CGI film, but the flaws, contrived or otherwise, don't hinder this rollercoaster ride one bit. Oh and Freddy Rodriguez (no relation to Robert) does well in the lead male role despite his semi-wimpy appearance (which takes a few minutes to get used to). Overall THIS IS the good child of "Grindhouse"... the second segment, Tarantino's "Deathproof", should be put in time-out... FOREVER!

COMA

title: COMA

year: 1978

cast: Michael Douglas, Genevieve Bujold, Richard Widmark, Tom Selleck, Lance DeGault, Rip Torn, Lois Chiles

rating: **1/2

Michael Crichton-directed films "Westworld", "Looker", and this one suffer from "Post-Hour Syndrome". A fantastic sixty-minute build-up with terrific scientific intrigue and then a big bad guy (or machine... or both) chases the main character around and we're left with an average thriller. Crichton (a far better novelist than director) sets things up so well that the chase, no matter how intense, is a let-down... and goes on way too long. Plot of this film (based on a novel by Robin Cook with a script by Crichton) involves snooty feminist doctor Genevieve Bujold wondering why so many healthy patients (including best friend Lois Chiles), undergoing run-of-the-mill procedures, are slipping into comas. She investigates till hospital bigwig Richard Widmark catches wind and he - or someone in charge - sends a tall scary thug to kill her. This is where things get bland and ordinary as the baddie (Lance DeGault) stalks her through the ward like Michael Myers in (the original) "Halloween 2". Then she investigates a separate clinic where comatose bodies hang like puppets on strings; and has to dodge security guards and escape. Which finally leads back to the main hospital for confrontation with Widmark - and the last stretch involving our heroine going through surgery (after being drugged) and it's now up to Michael Douglas, her skeptical doctor boyfriend, to finally figure things out and save the day. Tom Selleck, a few years before MAGNUM P.I. (and a starring role in Crichton's 1983 thriller "Runaway"), makes a cameo as a patient who slips into a...

LOOKIN' TO GET OUT

year: 1982

cast: Jon Voight, Burt Young, Ann Margaret, Angelina Jolie

director: Hal Ashby

rating: **1/2

The first fifty minutes with Jon Voight and Burt Young as two unlucky gamblers talking about life and losing (one in the same for these guys) is very entertaining. They go from L.A. to Las Vegas, get set up in a Vegas Suite, and the freestyle fun continues as the fish out of water live it up. Then the bottom falls out when the film becomes a stupid "chase" film as our two lovable losers spend the last half of the film running away from the two fat silly thugs they shook in L.A. with a really bad electronic score in the background. Should have remained a character-study, and dropped the pointless action, which wasn't suspensful anyhow. Mostly known for a cameo by Voight's real-life daughter Angelina Jolie as his fictional one.

MADE IN AMERICA

title: MADE IN AMERICA

year: 1993

cast: Ted Danson, Whoopie Goldberg, Will Smith, Jennifer Tilly

rating: *1/2

A truly bizarre and downright impossible to believe real-life love affair between then married Ted Danson and Whoopie Goldberg was the prelude to this romantic comedy about a young black girl who wants to find her real father, a sperm donor, and it turns out to be white obnoxious car salesman Ted Danson. Whoopie, as the girl's mother, spends half the film enraged that she was given a white man's sperm.The actors, including Will "I haven't become a big star yet but give me time" Smith, try WAY TOO HARD to make every moment hilarious, memorable and endearing. This is a convoluted mess that can be entertaining if you don't expect anything but mediocrity, or less.

STARTING OVER

title: STARTING OVER
year: 1979
cast: Burt Reynolds, Candace Bergen, Charles Durning
director: Alan J. Pakula
rating: *

James L. Brooks wrote the script and the guy who Hollywood (and many others) adored for "All the President's Men" directed. The pace is slow and the film is totally pointless. I have nothing more to say other than this movie's title is how you'll feel after the first fifteen minutes: like STARTING OVER with another movie... perhaps one about Watergate... or something. ANYTHING but this.

HUSBANDS

year: 1970
director: John Cassavetes
rating: **

In real life people often forget what to say – or have nothing to say. They reach around for the right word at the right moment and there are many uncomfortable silences. Real people rarely look each other straight into the eyes when talking (or listening to someone else talking) as happens in movies. There's no script in life and often no point, but when we watch a movie we WANT a point because our lives are often pointless; or at least FEELS that way. And life can be very annoying. Which brings me to the case at hand. This film IS annoying, like life... but the problem is it really doesn't go anywhere interesting. At least not for me. There are some WONDERFUL moments when the story – of three men who just lost their best friend having drinking binges from New York to Europe – rears its head and the camerawork is often quite brilliant. But most of the time we're stuck with too many pointless bouts of talking and singing, or singing and talking, or drinking and talking and vomiting and singing and talking and gambling and talking and singing and more and more talking, during which I feel a little TOO aware of the obvious improvisation from otherwise brilliant actors John Cassavetes, the leader, sort of; Ben Gazzara, sort of a jerk; and Peter Falk, being himself... sort of. Or something...